Son's hilarious obituary for father: 'He is God's problem now'

A son's hilarious obituary for his father has delighted those used to more sombre tributes to the dearly departed.

Instead, Charles Boehem decided to describe his father in blisteringly accurate detail, down to his clumsy nature, avoidance of military service and regular cursing.

The obituary has appeared on the Dignity Memorial website alongside a photo of Charles' parents, including his dad Robert Boehem, who died on October 6.

It has been published along with an obituary for his mother Dianne, who died eight months earlier on February 3.

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"Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over 'some stupid bleeping thing' and hitting his head on the floor," his father's obituary read.

Charles described the arrival of his siblings and his own entry into the world in 1983 by saying: "Raised Catholic, Robert managed to get his wife Dianne pregnant (three times) fast enough to just barely miss getting drafted into the Vietnam War by fathering Michelle, John, and Charlotte between 1967 and 1972.

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"Much later, with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983," he added.

"This lack of military service was probably for the best, as when taking up shooting as a hobby in his later years, he managed to blow not one, but two holes in the dash of his own car on two separate occasions, which unfortunately did not even startle, let alone surprise, his dear wife Dianne, who was much accustomed to such happenings in his presence and may have actually been safer in the jungles of Vietnam the entire time," he explained.

Charles spoke of his father's work in roofing and maintaining traffic signs in the City of Amarillo, later becoming a semi-professional truck driver, "not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver."

"With peace on the horizon, Robert's attention somewhat counterintuitively drifted to weapons of war, spanning the historical and geographical spectrum from the atlatl of 19,000 BC France, to the sjambok of 1830s Africa, to the Mosin-Nagant M1891 of WWII-era Soviet Union," he continued.

"So many examples of these mainstream hobbyist items litter his small Clarendon, Texas, apartment that one of them may very well have been the item referenced in his aforementioned eloquent final epitaph," he added.

He spoke of his father's interest in "historical weapons" and poked fun at his dad's fashion sense, describing his "penchant for fashion, frequently seen about town wearing the latest trend in homemade leather moccasins, a wide collection of unconventional hats, and boldly mismatched shirts and pants."

"Robert also kept a wide selection of harmonicas on hand—not to play personally, but to prompt his beloved dogs to howl continuously at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbours, and occasionally to give to his many, many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren to play loudly during long road trips with their parents," he said.

He then spoke of his mother's death in February, saying: "God finally showed mercy upon Dianne, getting her the heck out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet."

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"Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to the entertainment of you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas," Charles continued.

"Over the last eight months, if you have not met Robert or seen his road show yet, you probably would have soon."

He ended his father's obituary by saying: "We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert's antics up to this point, but he is God's problem now."

Charles then added details of his father's memorial on October 14.

His mother's obituary read more traditionally, with Charles describing her as "a beloved wife, mother, sister, and grandmother who touched the lives of those around her with her unwavering love and quiet strength."

He described his father as "the love of her life" and spoke of their "beautiful partnership spanning over five decades together."

"Her life was a tapestry woven with diverse experiences, from her early days as a registered nurse to her later career as a truck driver," he said.

"Dianne embraced the challenges of her chosen paths with resilience and dedication, leaving an indelible mark on all who knew her," he said.

Charles continued: "Dianne's interests were as diverse as her experiences. She found solace in the pages of books and the delicate art of sewing. Her selflessness knew no bounds, as she dedicated her life to her family with unparalleled patience and quiet strength in the midst of life's chaos."

He ended her obituary by biding her farewell and prompting here loved ones to "remember the warmth of her love, the gentleness of her spirit, and the enduring legacy of a life well-lived."

"May her memory bring comfort to those who mourn, and may her example inspire us all to embrace each day with love, patience, and strength."

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