This was published 1 year ago

'I had my first night away from my toddler, and the reality was far from what I expected'

January 18, 2025 - 4.40am

There are plenty of firsts when you're a parent that bring a wave of emotions, like their first day at daycare, your first day back at work, or the first night you're away from each other.

That last one has been filling me with dread for months.

With a wedding coming up over the Christmas holidays, my husband and I locked in our first night (well, two nights) away, with his mum babysitting.

Once we'd reserved our accommodation, I got a sick feeling in my stomach I just couldn't shake any time I thought about it. But, it turns out the experience was far from what I thought it was going to be.

Mum Amy reflects on spending her first night away from her daughter — Spending a night away from my daughter has been filling me with dread, but the experience was not what I expected. Supplied/Amy Lyall

With my daughter happily playing with her cousins, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law told us to just get out before she noticed.

Honestly, that was the worst part, walking out without saying bye – which we knew was the smartest move, really.

As we got into the car, I was the one crying. The mum guilt hit hard.

But as we hit the road it started to fade, and for the first time in weeks my husband and I were actually able to have a conversation in the car without responding to demands from the back seat, the radio was on – no Wiggles within earshot – and it was nice.

Unpacking was a breeze – one bag each and a suit bag. No lugging a travel cot, sound machines, bags of toys, snacks, sleeping bags and more toddler paraphernalia with us.

I thought I was going to be the person to call constantly, checking in to make sure it was all fine, but instead that worry had lifted after a brief call to say she was fine.

As we settled in at the pub for the pre-wedding welcome dinner with friends, an Aperol Spritz in hand, I realised I was actually relaxed.

There was no panic to order as soon as we saw down, knowing we had a very small window to make dinner happen, or a rush to chase her over to the kids' play area.

And, as I sat down to chat with friends, it clicked. It was one of those moments where I felt like I was starting to feel like myself again.

Anyone who's had a baby can agree it can be a slow process to get back to that feeling.

Waking up the next morning was sad – there was no little cry of "Mumma" coming from the baby monitor – but my god I have missed being able to just rot in bed with no rush to get up.

The luxury of being able to just relax in bed is something I didn't know how much I really missed, so you better believe I took advantage of every moment.

Now, I know I am lucky to have family who were able to look after our daughter for two nights, and being away for a wedding meant neither my husband or I could spend the whole time compulsively checking out phones for updates – which, looking back, I am grateful for.

But having that time away filled my cup up and I feel like I came back a better mum for it.

I'm the first to admit I'm useless at prioritising myself (and I know I'm not the only mum who feels this way) but it was the reset I know I needed for me, and for our relationship.

So, for any other mums who are anxiously looking at their first night away, book it in.

It's all the 'what ifs' and 'but what happens' that make it feel impossible, partnered with a heavy dose of mum guilt, but I can promise it will be worth it.

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