‘She always used to roll her eyes at me’: Manu and Clarissa’s early kitchen clashes
When chef Manu Feildel first met his wife, Clarissa, the culinary world already knew him as the master of classic French technique. But back then, when their relationship was just beginning, it wasn’t Manu who donned the apron to win Clarissa over.
“To be honest with you, I think it was the opposite around,” Manu told nine.com.au. “Clarissa cooked for me first.”
Manu and Clarissa have merged their cuisines in a book called Butter & Spice. Instagram/@manufeildelofficial
The dish in question was a fragrant, fiery lamb curry.
“It was very early on, and when she cooked for me, I was, ‘Oh, my God, like, this is, this is it! I think this is a second layer of why I was interested,’” Manu says.
Clarissa cooked for Manu first, when they started dating 15 years ago. Instagram@manufieldelofficial
“I think the reason why he didn’t cook for a while for me was because he already had the restaurant, and I used to go to the restaurant and have dinners there,” Clarissa said. “So it was L’Étoile at that time in Paddington, and that’s where I would have my meals. That’s probably the first time he cooked for me, probably a steak.”
Now married for 15 years, the pair have combined their very different culinary worlds – his grounded in French tradition and butter, hers rooted in Sri Lankan heritage and vibrant Asian spices – into a new joint cookbook, Butter & Spice, out on November 3.
All their favourite individual dishes and collaborations all in one place. Suppied
A kitchen bursting with competing flavours
While Clarissa has cultivated her own passion as a home cook on social media, stepping into the same workspace to co-author a book proved to be an entirely new dance.
“It’s taken us a while to share the kitchen together,” Manu said. “As a professional, I was always over Clarissa’s shoulder saying, ‘Oh, why are you doing it like this? Maybe you should be doing it like that’, and she always used to roll her eyes at me.
“But now it’s like we’ve understood each other’s boundaries and each other’s knowledge, the difference between a professional and an amazing cook, and we just stand on either side of the kitchen, and we help each other.”
Translating instinct into exact measurements also pushed Clarissa out of her comfort zone.
“I grew up with Grandma and Mum cooking, however, they never had recipes,” she said. “It was all just sort of, ‘These are the ingredients, and a little bit of that, and a little bit of this, and lots of tasting’.
Clarissa wasn’t as used to following recipes as her professional chef husband. Getty
“Writing a recipe for me was the difficult part. I actually had measuring spoons and cups fixed to me! Before I’d throw something in, I’d quickly put it on a measuring spoon and go, ‘OK, well, that’s one teaspoon’.”
“It’s so unnatural to cook with a recipe, to be honest with you,” Manu added. ” Unless its dessert, it’s really unnatural to actually measure stuff.”
His, Hers, and Ours
Divided into three distinct sections – “His”, “Hers”, and “Ours” – the cookbook reflects the balance of their household.
While “His” leans into Manu’s French pedigree and “Hers” highlights Clarissa’s spice-forward Sri Lankan and Asian background, “Ours” captures their kitchen experiments where traditions overlap.
“The ‘Ours’ is just us experimenting,” Manu explained. “She might put a bit of soy in my French cooking, and I’d put a bit of butter in hers, and then everything in between.”
Clarissa adds that their pantry is an eclectic reflection of their travels and heritage. “There are so many different cultures, different cuisines that is in that book. We’ve got Portuguese, we’ve got Asian, Sri Lankan, French, Moroccan...”
Naturally, managing two devoted food palates means their home fridge situation has gotten somewhat out of hand.
“We’ve got three fridges,” Clarissa admitted. “And two freezers,” Manu added.
“We’ve got an Asian condiment cupboard and a French condiment cupboard. We’ve got spices coming out of our ears,” he said. “We’ve always got coconut milk on one side and soy sauce, and then we’ve got a lot of butter and cream on the other.”
At home, Clarissa handles the majority of the weekday meals while Manu is travelling for work. But on weekends, the chef takes over.
“If anything, it’d be the weekend cook,” Clarissa said. “He’ll do something like a roast or steak on the barbie for the kids, and that’s when it’s Manu’s time, the Sunday roast.”
‘Food is our love language’
Beyond the techniques and recipes, Butter & Spice is fundamentally about family. With their 11-year-old daughter, Charlee, and son, Jonti, 22, gathering around the dining table is a daily ritual the couple refuses to compromise on.
These days the couple’s time in the kitchen together is more cohesive. Instagram/@clarissa_feildel
“Food is our love language,” Clarissa said. “We say sorry with food, we welcome people with food. In a lot of Asian culture, we don’t say ‘I love you’ very much at all ... but when I go home, the first thing is there is an abundance of my favourite food already there for me. That’s their ‘I love you, welcome home’.”
For Manu, bringing that culture back to Australian homes is the real heart of the project.
“If it becomes a chore for you, it may be very difficult. But if it’s part of feeding and loving your family, we find that’s what puts us together around the table.
“Charlee and our son, Jonti, they love sitting down at the table and love eating, and we can talk about anything and everything. That’s what it’s all about.”
