'What it's really like inside celeb-favourite wellness resort so private even taking photos is banned'

A typical weeknight I'm in my car, usually driving one of my teenagers to football training. I'm often in the carpark, on my laptop while I wait, finishing up some work.

It's an hours drive to practise, we do this four times a week having rushed from the office, to the supermarket, in peak hour Sydney traffic, back and forth, rushing and planning, checking off the to-do-list, adding to it, over and over.

Endless weeks of early starts and late nights, and always rushing between. From the mum-where's-my to the mum-can-you to the mum-I-need-a. It's the juggle of every parent who works full time knows well.

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When I was first I asked to go to a wellness retreat for five days. I laughed. No, was my first thought. As if I could do that. Who would do the things and drive to the place and buy what's needed.

How could I miss that meeting, what about that client, and who on earth would get my kids to school without me?

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But after a well-meaning colleague talked me into it I found myself saying yes and headed off towards a different type of typical weekday night. 

Chiva-Som Hua Hin Wellness Resort is located in a coastal resort town of Hua Hin, 200km south of Bangkok, it's peaceful, quiet, and the only rushing there is the sound of the ocean. 

The Journey

The Qantas direct flight lands bang on the notoriously world famous Bangkok peak hour. It's a long, slow drive through the city eventually opening into the expressway heading south.

The journey to Chiva Som is three hours, but the private transfer is comfortable and quiet with a pillow, cookies, water and a blanket in the back of the limo.

Still, the car ride is long - my legs twitch, and my back hurts. Finally, as the twitching legs get too much, the driver says, "Ten minutes to go."

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When I arrive, the check-in is seamless, as I have already filled in all the check-in forms during the long car ride. There was one of that waiting around while they scan passports and try to locate rooms you often get in big hotels.

It's odd though, arriving in a hotel foyer at 9pm and it being empty – no soft lights or cocktail bar, no pianist playing Billy Joel. What do people do at night at a health retreat? Is everyone asleep?

I'm soon to find out the answer to that is yes.. And blissfully so. 

First Impressions 

My room is an ocean-view room in modern calming tones of muted colours, beige and crisp whites.

It comes with a queen-sized bed, pillow menus, a smallish balcony looking out across the pool to the Gulf of Thailand, a huge dressing room, shower room and bathroom - equipped with every detail you would expect from a five star hotel.

I find out at breakfast that it also comes with your own personal butler – she seeks me out in the restaurant and asks if I have any laundry. Turns out you get four pieces a day washed and folded.

The resort is smaller than I expected with just 54 rooms, I learn most people who come here are solo - and are in fact, return guests. 

The resort is so private phones are actively discouraged - so no selfies poolside (though I did manage to sneak a few for the purpose of this review).

It's this privacy that makes it a favourite of many celebrities, Kate Moss, the Beckhams, and Elizabeth Hurley are known to have stayed here.

Head of communications Kewalin Sukumjittanon tells me it still is a favourite of celebrities, only she can't tell me who.

Even royals she says. Leaving me intrigued as to whether I've just missed Harry or Meghan at the buffet.

Treatments & Wellness

My first day starts with a physical analysis – it's complimentary – one of the 200 treatments offered at Chiva Som.

After the consultation my physiotherapist tells me I sit at a laptop too long each day and need to stretch more – that my neck is tight and my hips give me back pain. A pretty fair assessment.

His recommendations echo through the rest of my treatments each time I arrive for a massage (and there are a lot of them) or a consultation the therapist already knows what areas to focus on.

By the end of day one, I've done yoga, Pilates, had a warm coconut body scrub, a Chiva-Som signature massage, and undergone Shirobhyanga – an ancient Ayurvedic head massage using warm oil.

I feel the previous day's travel drain out of me.

The next morning, after a beach walk where I dodge crabs as I make my way to a giant golden Buddha at Wat Khao Takiap, and yoga in the warm ocean breeze (only four of us in the class – it feels almost private), I attend a treatment simple named Super Stretch.

It's part of the physiotherapy area of Chiva-Som, with a therapist there purely to stretch you. All I have to do is lie there. I leave Super Stretch feeling like I've grown a few centimetres.

On day two, I get a complimentary facial analysis – a detailed look at your skin by a dermatologist using a VISIA skin analysis machine. Chiva Som offers laser and ultrasound treatments (at an extra cost). I politely decline.

Another day I find myself in back-to-back fitness classes at the fully-equipped gymnasium – an early morning beach run, yoga, a stretch class, Pilates and then a personal training session.

Other opportunities include a hyperbaric oxygen therapy, a flotation tank, specialised sleep therapy, or even genomic testing.

Whether it be fitness, wellness, or just relaxation and rejuvenation the options seem endless. 

Food

Breakfast quickly becomes my favourite meal of the day – especially the fresh, locally-grown produce.

The selection includes traditional breakfasts like avocado and poached eggs to crepes (the healthy kind made with vegan chickpeas), porridge or just simply the Chiva-Som granola and coconut yoghurt.

I'm not sure if it's the flavours in the food, or the fact I'm starving after so much (unusual for me) exercise, but I'm not sure I've tasted breakfast this delicious.

Some guests have a tailor-made menu, if that's the health quest they're on.

Others, like me, have a wide array of both buffet and à la carte.

That menu extends from local Thai dishes through to an Arabic-inspired menu featuring dishes created in Chiva-Som's sister resort, Zulal Wellness near Doha, Qatar.

I enjoy everything from fresh seafood and sashimi, to Thai noodle dishes, to sorbets and tiny yellow, freshly-baked, dairy-free custard tarts.

My drink of choice is cool lemongrass ice tea. Despite it being a wellness resort you can drink alcohol after 6pm, with wine and champagne available, though in my stay I only see one person sipping a glass of French bubbles, the rest of us make do with the tea.

What else is there to do

The nearby town of Hua Hin offers everything you could want from a Thai beach village – night markets, horse riding on the beach, massages galore.

Chiva Som's Kewalin says most guests don't leave the resort in their entire stay.

I buck this trend and take a TukTuk to the vibrant night markets to buy some gifts for those teenagers I left behind. 

What could be better

Not much to be honest: I had only had one gripe. The room keys are old and clunky – when you want to go for a walk or run on the beach, you don't want to carry a heavy metal key. Why not have the same credit card system every new hotel has?

What sets it apart

The little things. The ice-cold towel they bring you when you come off a beach walk.

The staff who always seem to appear just when you need them, yet never intrude, the security guard who washes your feet down when you come back from the beach and says "welcome back'.

The pool attendant who keeps your seat all day (no need to reserve it with books), the spa attendants who remember what treatment you had last and your preferences.

The packed lunch they give you for car ride back to the airport when you depart. 

I leave Chiva Som having achieved the goals I wanted. I feel rested and rejuvenated, but in addition – a little bit fitter, a lot more motivated – and I swear a few centimetres taller.

The writer stayed as a guest of Chiva-Som Hua Hin Wellness Resort.

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