From the SCG to The Rocks: An English fan's post-Ashes Sydney hit list for when the test ends early
I feel sorry for the Barmy Army. I really do.
Not just because England has lost the Ashes, despite getting a participation trophy for winning the fourth Test.
These guys are the sporting world's greatest supporters.
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The Barmy Army from England are the world's biggest supporters. Getty
Ride or die with their national team wherever they compete with their catalogue of funny, taunting chants.
They planned and saved for a big summer in Australia watching five, five day Tests, so enjoying 25 days of cricket against the auld enemy (travelling for sport is a bit of a big trend right now).
Unfortunately the first four Tests only totalled 13 days so there's already been an unexpected week they had to fill in and there's still one match left.
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The cricket fans are in Sydney and might have time on their hands. Getty
Half the Test matches so far have only lasted two days so chances are they will have more free time after the fifth and final Test, the New Year's encounter in Sydney.
I can't help them with their cricketing skills but I do know something about travel so here are my top five things for the Barmy Army to do when the Sydney Test finishes early.
1. Visit the SCG Museum
Not to rub salt in the wounds but if the Test finishes early the English fans can still have another day at the SCG.
Not for a Test match but a stroll through the SCG Museum which showcases some of Australia's greatest sporting achievements at this hallowed ground.
Take your time wandering through to see things like the baggy green caps worn by Sir Donald Bradman, Steve Waugh and the controversial graphite-reinforced bat used by Ricky Ponting to help win the 2007 World Cup.
The tour also includes an opportunity to walk out onto the pitch and see up close where the Test was lost only 24 hours earlier. Fun day out.
The iconic Sydney Cricket Ground. Getty
"We are the Army, the Barmy Army! Oh, we are mental, and we are mad! We are the loyalest cricket supporters, that the world has ever had!"
2. See the Queen Victoria Building
What could be more appropriate than doing a spot of shopping at Sydney's Queen Victoria Building.
Queen Vic was on the throne when the Ashes were born. In 1882 Australia won its first ever Test on English soil.
The English were so devastated by the loss that The Sporting Times wrote a satirical obituary declaring that English cricket had died and that "the body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia".
The Queen Victoria building in Sydney. Getty
The following summer England toured out here and after a social match at Melbourne's Rupertswood Estate a cricket bail was burned and the ashes presented to England captain Ivo Bligh in a tiny terracotta urn.
So, fans can shop their heart out here with a constant reminder of the humiliation 143 years ago.
"He's a Duckett man, Duckett maaaan scoring centuries for England!"
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3. Visit Accor Stadium
For a shot of self-esteem and confidence boost before that long flight home to the Old Dart, it might be worth hitting the Sydney Rail Network and heading out to Sydney Olympic Park for a visit to Accor Stadium, the setting for England's stunning win in the 2003 Rugby World Cup.
English player Johnny Wilkinson after the Rugby World Cup final 2003. Phil Carrick
With 26 seconds to go Johnny Wilkinson scored an improbable field goal that gave England the win and broke Australian hearts. It may not be cricket but I'd be taking the wins wherever I could find them after this inglorious summer.
"We'll take the urn home, we'll take the urn home! With Stokes as our captain we'll take the urn home."
4. Admire Federation Pavilion, Cabarita Park
When the Ashes were first played, there was no actual "Australia." The six British colonies combined to play the motherland.
Then in 1901 those colonies officially became the nation of Australia with the proclamation of Federation.
Now, as one cohesive unit, Australian cricket was able to grow and thrive and become the powerhouse it is today.
A Rivercat Ferry cruises along the Parramatta River in Sydney. Getty
So English fans can take a ferry to Federation Pavilion in Cabarita Park on the Parramatta River and admire the structure used for the official celebrations to mark Australia's separation from England and emergence as an independent Commonwealth nation.
It's a chance to lament what might have been. If Australia had stayed an English colony it might never have reached the cricketing heights it has today and this Ashes series may have been a very different story.
"Barmy Army this is where you'll find me, having a drink or two, singing a song for you, we're England through and through."
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5. Drink at Hero of Waterloo Hotel, The Rocks
A chance to finish the summer on a high celebrating England's most famous victory of all - The Battle of Waterloo - which saw the Duke of Wellington inflict a devastating defeat on the crafty French general Napoleon in 1815.
Depending who you ask it's Australia's oldest pub, Sydney's second oldest or something in between but either way it's 170 years old.
The Hero of Waterloo pub in Millers Point, The Rocks claims to be Sydney's oldest boozer. Tamara Dean
Classic English pub vibes and win or lose in the fifth Test it's a great place to celebrate or drown your sorrows.
Now, if only the Duke could bat at No.3...
