Why perimenopause feels like you're losing your mind

There's this scene in the movie The Nutty Professor where Sherman Klump's ultra-thin alter-ego Buddy Love transform back into the overweight professor.

He burst out of his clothes, his body doubling then tripling in size in a matter of seconds.

That's a bit like what being perimenopause feels like.

And it sucks. It really, really does.

Buddy Love bursts out of his clothes and becomes Sherman Klump: Image: The Nutty Professor, Universal Pictures

My friends and I are all approaching "the change" together. Perimenopause is the term used to describe those years before our reproductive systems completely dry up.

Okay, I could have chosen a better phrase than to "dry up".

When our reproductive systems...pack it in.

When our reproductive systems...cease to be needed.

When our reproductive systems...finish being reproductive.

Which is fine. I have my kids. Three, delightful, amazing, different, unique humans whom I couldn't love more.

I suppose I'm done being fertile and I'm more than happy to finish menstruating.

But this. THIS? 

This is hell.

It's like being thrust into an alternate reality in which everything looks the same but feels slightly out of whack.

Things that worked before are no longer effective.

Incidents that were nothing much are now devastating.

And don't even get me started on my sex drive and libido, and the dryness of my lady parts.

Could my body leave just a little oestrogen so my husband and I can enjoy our 'special cuddles' without me gritting my teeth?

It probably doesn't help that I've been watching my mum deal with perimenopause and then actual menopause for around twenty years.

Related video: The menopause diet, for those who have any control whatsoever over what they eat while menopausal

Yep, the never-ending-menopause that has seen my mum become the world's worst car passenger due to her tendency to turn the air conditioning on, then off, then on, then off, as her 'hot flashes' come, and go, and come, and go.

Menopause is not as simple as never having another period again, sorry to say.

There's the weight gain.

One day you are standing there feeling fine and the next second your body just puffs up.

Boom!

You're already in a bad mood thanks to the hormone fluctuations that accompany perimenopause so not being able to fit comfortably into your clothes doesn't help. 

Random sobbing.

Then your cycle gets all jacked up.

27 days.

34 days.

23 days.

That's a lot of bleeding and confusion about bleeding for someone who is most likely not even fertile anymore.

And your period goes on and on and on, often over seven days which means you don't get much of a break in between.

And 'menstrual flooding' whereby your period is so heavy it's like you're bleeding to death rendering tampons completely useless.

Adult nappy anyone?

Image: Something's Gotta Give, Warner Bros. Pictures

Then there's some of the more unusual signs of perimenopause. Like my friend who is 44 who thought she could smell smoke.

For a year.

She kept asking everyone if they could smell smoke, if there were any fires burning anywhere or maybe a back-burning operation.

"Can anyone else smell smoke?"

We found out on Facebook that many women in the early stages of menopause can also smell smoke.

During the discussion another perimenopause sufferer (yes, I said 'sufferer') asked if anyone else was experiencing a buring scalp.

Yes. 

Me.

Me too.

OMG, is that why my scalp feels like it is burning?

The responses flooded in.

Image: Something's Gotta Give, Warner Bros. Pictures

And while all of the conditions mentioned may not be attributable to 'the change', lets just give our fellow sufferers the benefit of the doubt.

I can't stop eating chocolate.

I've watched LA LA Land seventeen times this week just so I can cry without being judged.

Then there's the brain drain, where your thoughts become scrambled or you can't remember certain words that are right on the tip of your tongue...like the one that describes yet another frustrating symptom of perimenopause.

It means tired, but really really tired.

Not exhausted.

Fatigued! That's it. Random, unexplainable fatigue. 

And insomnia.

Lord help suffers of insomnia.

Clumsiness, feeling hot, feeling cold, unusual hair growth (there is one on my breast that is out of control, not to mention several on my chin), dizziness, ringing in the ears, puffy eyes, dark circles under the eyes, losing feeling in your hands or arms while sleeping.

An increase in allergies.

The emergence of allergies you've never even had before.

Image: Something's Gotta Give, Warner Bros. Pictures

Just so much to look forward to.

I'm not going to explain ways to minimise any and all symptoms of perimenopause because to be honest, I don't believe there is anything that can help.

Hormone replacement isn't recommended anymore due to the increased risk of breast cancer (read more about this at the Cancer Australia website).

So all I can do is offer my condolences, turn the air con up, or down (depending on whether you are having a hot or cold flash) and suggest placing wet teabags under your eyes.

It's normal.

It's natural.

As Oprah would say, "It's a full circle moment".

Listen to the latest episode of the 9Honey Super Mums podcast with special guest Deb Knight

https://omny.fm/shows/9honey-super-mums/cosmetic-surgery-mental-health-and-special-guest-d/embed?style=artwork

From those first few years of having our periods and being fertile, becoming sexually active, experimenting with contraceptives and freaking out when our periods were even one day late.

To not having a period anymore or them being so random that they can no longer be tracked, but you don't feel like having sex anyway because you just don't want to and...vaginal dryness...so it's highly unlikely you'll have a pregnancy scare.

It doesn't help that most of our mums declared with pure delight, "You're a woman", when we got our first periods.

Are we not women now?

Obviously that's not the case.

But we're are evolving into a different phase of womanhood and it would be lovely if it was less HORRIBLE.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and the author only whom has no medical expertise. We recommend visiting the Menopause Centre website for expert guidance on all things perimenopausal and menopausal.