Woman's fears as boyfriend urges her to be a stay-at-home mum: 'No money to fall back on'
A woman has asked her partner to pay her to be a stay-at-home mum, dividing the opinions of countless parents online.
Taking to Reddit to explain the situation, the unnamed woman said that she and her boyfriend already have two children and are planning a third.
She still works, despite the fact that her partner makes "five times" her salary and they could "easily afford" for her to be a stay-at-home parent.
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The couple are considering a third child, but the mum is torn on her work situation. Getty
Despite this, the woman has chosen to keep working as she doesn't want to lose her financial independence, especially as she and her boyfriend aren't married.
Now considering a third child, the pair are at an impasse when it comes to the possibility of her becoming a stay-at-home mum.
Her partner is all for it, but the woman has some serious reservations.
Writing that she knows several women who were stay-at-home parents then "struggled to survive" when their relationships ended, the woman is understandably hesitant.
"They were blindsided and didn't have money or jobs to fall back on. Divorce settlements take a while/you're basically entitled to nothing if not married," she wrote.
The woman added that employment gaps caused by staying home with children can also make it hard to reenter the workforce.
As such, the prospect of being a classic stay-at-home mum with no financial security to fall back on has left her "anxious and insecure".
So the woman came up with a solution.
Her boyfriend is pushing for her to give up work to raise their third child. Getty Images/iStockphoto
"I told him I was willing to be stay at home if I still had my own separate money, whether I put away a lump sum upfront (we could afford for me to put aside upwards of $10,000) or I received a regular amount that was mine to save," she said.
Her boyfriend was totally against the idea, even though the woman insisted her fears weren't because she didn't trust him.
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"He said I'm being ridiculous and he's not even going to entertain the thought of rewarding my distrust," she wrote.
"I said fine if baby happens I return to work after maternity leave like before."
The woman then asked fellow Reddit users if she was being unreasonable with her request, and opinions were deeply divided.
While many people said she was justified in being nervous about the arrangement and wanting financial security, others said her request proved she doesn't trust her partner.
"I know quite a few stay-at-home mums that have separate accounts where money is deposited each month from the other's income," one person wrote.
"If he isn't willing to do that then I'd say you have two choices, don't have another kid or don't stop working."
"Parenting isn't a job and you shouldn't be paid for it."
Another chimed in: "A real man will understand your situation and make sure you feel secure and independent before asking you to make sacrifices that could make your future a nightmare."
However, several people criticised the woman for asking to be "paid for being a mum".
"Parenting isn't a job and you shouldn't be paid for it. Either get married on paper… or don't have third child," one said.
In later comments the woman clarified that her partner owns their home and she pays for "most of the kids' stuff", then they split other bills 50/50.
The couple currently split bills, but she would have limited finances if she quit working. Getty
She also revealed that they reason they aren't married is because her boyfriend "doesn't believe" in it.
These details left some Reddit users concerned that the woman could be in a position to be financially abused.
Several warned her to seek legal or financial advice if she was serious about having another child with her partner, while others suggested they take more kids off the table until the issue could be resolved.
