'Goodbye, teens - it's time for us Boomers to reclaim social media'

I feel sorry for Generation Alpha losing access to their social media accounts. I really do.

Is it possible 6-7 will no longer be a thing? If something doesn't exist on TikTok, does it really exist?

But from the loss for one generation comes an opportunity for another: welcome to Boomer time!

The algorithm hasn't been kind to my generation. We've been competing for space with Betrayal Lists, AI Pranks, Lush Life Dancing and Beez in the Trap for way too long.

Now you are going to see Boomer content like never before. And not just on Facebook, the traditional platform of older users.

I was going through the list of banned platforms: TikTok, Snapchat, YouTube, Reddit, Instagram, Facebook, Kick, Twitch, Threads and X. Most of them sound familiar. We often have a snap chat, but it's usually about someone at Probus who's broken their femur.

The Gram, Reels and Stories are all now fair game, so get ready for senior spam – content you didn't know you needed or probably still don't, but it's coming for you at optical fibre speed in the bus lane of the information super highway.

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Don't worry, though. You'll still see 6-7 videos, but these are the ones distributed by the Department of Social Security and Veterans' Affairs giving information on the pension eligibility age: 67.

They may not be as fun, but learning about income thresholds for part or full pensions is no laughing matter.

Another big teen TikTok trend is GRWM – Get Ready With Me. You'll still see those as well, but instead of running for about 45 seconds, they'll be about an hour and half, especially during winter when the arthritis plays up.

Wherever The Wind Takes You will still be topical, but not in its current form. The wind in Boomer videos is more likely to take you to the bathroom than your ex's house.

Boom scrolling will replace Doom scrolling. Instead of scrolling for five hours a day, we will scroll for five minutes then take a nap.

Spotify Wrapped posts will look a little different; Air Supply and Andre Rieu will be back in their rightful place on My Top Artists.

One of the signature videos of the Alpha and Z generations will continue. Boomer Influencers, or Influenzas as I have dubbed them, will still unwrap sponsor products in real time.

There's nothing like seeing an 800 watt air fryer revealed live on camera or opening a bowel cancer kit from the Department of Health.

Things once considered as uncool as hashtags will now be cool for the first time – dad jokes, gold Opal cards, cargo shorts and carbs will be trending in the new gerisphere.

So, there's a lot to look forward to after December 10. Some new kids on the social media block, as old as the actual New Kids On The Block.

Those "Thanks Boomer" jokes don't seem so funny now, do they?

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