Money Manners: 'I refused to pay my friend's share of the bill after she 'forgot' her wallet'

Money Manners is Honey Money's weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week's question comes via Reddit and deals with an awkward and tricky situation with a friend.

Dilemma: 'AITA for refusing to pay my friend's share of the bill after she 'forgot' her wallet?'

"A few days ago, I went out to dinner with a group of friends. We had a good time, and at the end of the meal, the bill came.

"One of my friends, Sarah suddenly said she had forgotten her wallet at home. This isn't the first time something like this has happened, but it's never been with me directly, she usually does this with other friends.

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"Everyone was pretty quiet, and I could tell they were waiting for someone to offer to cover her. I didn't say anything at first, but when Sarah looked at me, I kind of awkwardly said, 'I cant cover you sorry'. She seemed shocked and said she would pay me back tomorrow. I still I couldn't because I'm not comfortable covering other people's expenses, especially when this has happened before.

"She got upset, saying she felt embarrassed and that I was making her look bad in front of our friends. One of our other friends ended up paying her share, but the whole mood shifted. Afterward, she also texted me later on saying I was out of line and should've just helped her out since it was 'only a small amount'."

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Some of my friends are on her side, saying I could've just covered her since she promised to pay me back, while others agree that it's not my responsibility, especially since she has a history of doing this.

Advice: 'Sarah needs to grow up'

There is no way you were in the wrong in this situation and I felt very annoyed reading about Sarah's behaviour because it reminded me of similar situations with a friend when I was younger. In fact, I think most of us have a friend or family member who takes advantage of other's generosity.

In fact, I also had a boyfriend do this to me on a regular basis. He'd forget to bring his wallet and I'd pay for dates!

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It isn't about the money! It's about turning up to a social event you can't afford and the audacity of expecting others to cover for you. And not mentioning anything beforehand!

You made the right decision. Sarah won't ever do this to you again, if your friendship survives... if you want it to survive.

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Sarah had so many other different options. I've seen friends who can't afford to join in on evenings like this pop in to say a quick hello or come for just a drink. Or coffee at the end! And we're all grown ups. We all get it. We're all saving for something. It's not a big deal.

Or she could have reached out beforehand and explained she can't afford it at this stage and might give it a miss and join in next time. Then everyone would have some notice and maybe someone would offer to cover her and be paid back later.

To wait until the bill arrives is very poor form.

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