'Bennifer' and the perils of getting back with an ex: 'You need to understand why the relationship broke up'

After months of speculation, it's been confirmed Jennifer Lopez has filed for divorce from Ben Affleck two years to the day after their lavish wedding in Georgia.

Lopez reportedly filed the papers in LA on Tuesday, August 20, and listed the date of separation as April 26.

Their 2022 marriage was meant to mark the start of their happy-ever-after, so the latest break-up begs the question: Is it ever a good idea to get back with an ex?

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Love the second time around

Lopez and Affleck first met in 2000 on the set of the film Gigli.

At the time, Lopez was married to husband number two, Cris Judd. After the pair split, Lopez flew headlong into a relationship with Affleck, and they became engaged in 2002.

They called off their planned nuptials in 2003 and eventually broke up in 2004, before going on to marry other people and start families.

In 2021, hot on the heels of her break-up from fiance Alex Rodriguez, Lopez and Affleck rekindled their relationship and were soon engaged before holding not one, but two wedding ceremonies in Las Vegas on July 16, 2022, and at Affleck's home in Georgia on August 20, 2022.

Elisabeth Shaw is the chief executive of Relationships Australia NSW branch and a clinical and counselling psychologist.

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In the age of social media, she said it had become increasingly common for couples to rekindle past relationships, just as Jlo and Affleck did, and there was nothing wrong with giving love a second shot.

"A lot of people look back with nostalgia at people they used to date and ask themselves, 'What if?'" Shaw said.

"I think there is something to be said for that shared history, those connections. It can be a building block and it certainly can work."

Shaw said it was important to look at the reasons why the relationship didn't work out the first time, and if those things have been overcome or somehow changed.

IN PHOTOS: Click the image below for a timeline of 'Bennifer' - both times around

"I think it's really about the reasons for the original break-up. Sometimes it can be something benign that really has no consequence now," she said.

"You need to really quite deeply understand why the relationship broke up and what you can do differently."

Shaw said it also depended very much on the stage of life you were at and how long ago you broke up.

If you do decide to get back together with someone, Shaw said it was important not to rush the relationship, despite your history, but take the time to get to know each other again.

So what went wrong?

While it is easy to think Hollywood stars might have it easier than the rest of us, they have many of the same problems.

Relationships Australia is a nationwide not-for-profit organisation which provides relationship support services to individuals, families and communities.

Its 2022 Relationship Indicators report examined the results of a survey to find out the biggest issues faced by couples in Australia.

It found "external pressures" placed a "significant burden on our relationships."

More than one-quarter of Australians cited work or study commitments as a pressure that affected their most important relationship, while one-in-five Australians cited money problems as a cause of relationship pressure.

A further 22 per cent said mental health was a challenge in their relationship, with the survey showing loneliness was an issue even among couples.

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Shaw said that while Affleck and Lopez might not have had the same pressures second time round, such as establishing their careers, their new relationship came with different pressures.

"They have five children between them. Having five children and exes is what I would call a complex life situation," she said.

"You have to juggle your careers and your family commitments."

Celebrity pressures

In the case of Lopez and Affleck, work pressures cited could have easily played a part in the relationship breakdown.

Those same pressures also meant the two were often separated for work.

Lopez has worked almost non-stop since she and Affleck got back together, juggling both her acting and singing careers while also filming the documentary, Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez: Never Say Never.

In 2022, she filmed sci-fi movie Atlas, which has just been released on Netflix. Her latest album, This is Me … Now, was released in February 2024.

Affleck has also been busy filming The Accountant 2 in recent months.

Shaw said it was often very difficult for couples to maintain two high flying careers, with one person usually needed to hold down the fort at home.

While the geographical distance that came with their line of work could also have been a factor, another issue was their differing approaches to fame.

While Lopez courted the limelight, Affleck notoriously disliked being the centre of attention, and especially hated being in the gaze of the paparazzi, who followed their every move.

Shaw said this intense interest in their relationship could prove difficult, especially if one half of the couple was more comfortable in the spotlight.

"For these couples living their whole relationship in the spotlight there becomes a lot of interest in their relationship, which can be difficult," she said.

Third time lucky?

While most of us would be unwilling to give it yet another go, Shaw said there was a chance couples could make it work third time around.

"I think it really does depend on the reasons for the break-up and if you are willing to do the work to fix the problems that made it come unstuck last time," she said.

"Some people have unfinished business but you have to ask, what is the unfinished business? What do you get stuck on? What do you keep coming back and why do you think it will be better?"

So just maybe we will see a Bennifer 3.0.