'I pretended I was fine': Supermodel Paulina Porizkova reveals the toll of husband's death five years on

Supermodel Paulina Porizkova has spoken candidly about her grief five years after the death of her late musician ex-husband, Ric Ocasek.

Porizkova, 59, shared a moving post on Instagram on Monday after she shared a video of herself crying on the anniversary of his death.

In her post, the Czechoslovakian model said for years, she "pretended she was fine" and ''acted strong'' to get by, but this year, she finally let her emotions out after feeling "overwhelmed".

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"Last week I posted a video of myself crying. It was the five year anniversary of my husband's death," Porizkova wrote.

"In some ways, it was a day made even more difficult by the fact in all the previous years I pretended I was fine. That I 'had pulled it together.'

"For the benefit of my loved ones, I thought I had to act strong. To keep helming the ship. So no one but me would be afraid of drowning."

The supermodel said she put on such a brave face that "no one knew how hard my life was or how much I needed a hand".

"So, five years later , I let everyone know how I felt. I was sad. I was I overwhelmed. Sentimental," she said.

She added that by sharing her grief, she feels "less alone".

"And by admitting it out loud, I've had many other people reach out to let me know they had similar days.

"That five years after their loved ones passing was unusually difficult. That all of us in the grief club can have odd days of real struggle."

In her crying post, Porizkova said she was "breaking" and "drowning".

It comes after she told Page Six that she wanted to die following her late ex-husband's death in 2019. They had separated just a year before he died but were married for 28 years.

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"It's not even so much that I thought about how to kill myself or when to kill myself – it was just that feeling of, 'I just don't know how to go on. I can't do this anymore," she said.

"I just want to go away. I can't bear waking up tomorrow morning, being the same person with the same feelings. I can't carry it anymore'."

If you or someone you know needs grief support, call Red Nose 24/7 on 1300 307 308. If you or anyone you know needs immediate support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or via lifeline.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.

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