The 'code red crisis' facing young men and how to help them
It’s a confusing time to be a young man - navigating the traditional struggles of identity, masculinity and school while being tested by technology, dangerous influencers and a cultural narrative that often leaves them feeling demonised.
“We’ve got boys who are hurting girls. We’ve got boys who are hurting each other. We’ve got boys who are hurting themselves,” Dr Justin Coulson told A Current Affair.
Dr Justin Coulson - one of the country’s leading parenting experts - describes the challenges facing young men as a “code red crisis”. A Current Affair
Coulson - one of the country’s leading parenting experts - describes the challenges facing young men as a “code red crisis”.
But according to young men themselves, these problems can not only be solved - they can be prevented.
“Men aren’t born evil,” 18-year-old Ethan said. “This is not a nature problem. This is a nurture problem.”
What does it mean to be a man?
For Salim (18), Ethan (18), Connor (16) and Hayden (20), it’s taken a lot of work to get to the point where they can sit together and talk openly about their feelings.
They’re all involved with the Top Blokes Foundation - a charity dedicated to transforming the lives of boys and young men - and the program’s success is clear to see.
“Being a good man just entails believing in yourself and following your truth,” Salim said.
“To me, masculinity means being of service to others [and] being kind to other people,” Ethan added.
Getting there, however, is an uphill battle, Hayden explained.
It's taken a lot of work from the four boys to get to the point where they can sit together and talk openly about their feelings. A Current Affair
“[There’s a] struggle around identity. I feel there’s so much stuff in the way of that path that young men are trying to navigate towards manhood.”
Coulson, author of Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out, says young men are struggling the most with education, mental health, crime and identity.
“You pull those four things together and you suddenly have a whole lot of boys and young men who are not thriving but are struggling.”
The ‘Manosphere’
A huge hurdle on the path to healthy masculinity is the “manosphere” - a growing network of online communities and influencers promoting dangerous ideas of what it means to be a man.
“There’s a lot of noise on social media,” Ethan said. “A lot of content creators who are telling people that men should be this, men should be that. And with so many people telling you what you should be, you never find what you are.”
Among those voices is Andrew Tate - a controversial influencer and self-described misogynist facing multiple criminal charges.
Connor told A Current Affair he’s seen the impact of Tate’s content play out in real time.
A huge hurdle on the path to healthy masculinity is the “manosphere” - a growing network of online communities and influencers promoting dangerous ideas of what it means to be a man. A Current Affair
“A couple of my friends have turned into pretty much a shadow of [Tate] … whatever he said, they followed.”
Salim admits he fell victim to the algorithm when he was 17.
“I’m seeing content and I’m agreeing with it, and I start feeling like I should harden myself, I should isolate,” he said.
“But when I do that, I’m becoming the man the algorithm wants me to be, not the man that I really want to be.”
The most crucial conversation
Under 16s are now banned from social media in Australia, and new age verification laws aim to control who can access explicit content online.
But tech-savvy kids are finding their way around the restrictions.
According to Coulson, the average age of first exposure to explicit content is just 11 years old.
According to Coulson, the average age of first exposure to explicit content is just 11 years old. A Current Affair
“This is one of the most crucial conversations right now,” he said.
“87 per cent of 15- to 19-year-old males in Australia are consuming explicit content on at least a weekly basis, if not more.”
Coulson says early and continued exposure to pornography can negatively shape how men view relationships.
“The more a young man views pornography, the more likely it is that he’s going to endorse what’s known as the rape myth, that is that she was asking for it.”
Talk, don’t tell-off
So how can parents help steer their boys toward a healthy path?
Coulson argues that you can’t lecture a boy into becoming a good man, but you can love him into it.
He advocates for a three-step approach: explore, explain and empower.
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“You’re saying, ‘How does this make you feel? Here’s how it makes me feel. What sort of a man do you want to be? How can I support you to get there?’ And so we enter this collaborative process together and we get better outcomes.”
Hayden agrees, explaining young men are constantly “spoken at” rather than spoken with.
“When something’s approached with curiosity, it’s creating a safe space where the young man feels open to speak about these perspectives he has.”
As Salim puts it: “A conversation will get you incredibly far.”
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