'My husband's only taking me somewhere swanky for Valentine's Day so he can show off'

By Anonymous

My husband has booked a fabulous restaurant for Valentine's Day, and I know that would make most women happy, but all I feel is hostility towards him because he isn't doing it for me – he's doing it to impress other people.

The restaurant has been described, in one review, as "nose-bleedingly expensive" so my husband will be dropping this dinner into every conversation he has for the foreseeable future.

It's not just Valentine's Day. My husband is the king of grand gestures and he'll happily spend huge sums on anything he can brag about, like a nice car, or a beautiful house in the right area, but when it comes to the things that other people don't see, my husband is mean.

He'll quibble about the cost of a supermarket shop, and he'll veto an order I want to place online, rather than pay the £7 ($13.45) delivery charge. When I bought new pillowcases from John Lewis recently, he returned them, and bought cheaper ones off Amazon.

When he shrunk one of his cashmere jumpers after throwing it in the wash, he gave it to me, and expected me to wear it. It was, indeed, sort of my size, and the colour suited me, but it was as stiff as cardboard.

Then he bought himself a new cashmere jumper, cheerily telling me: "That's worked out well for both of us!"

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I do not want to wear jumpers with the texture of toast, and I do not feel it worked out well for both of us. I suspect, pretty strongly, that if an item of mine had been ruined, he'd have been less enthusiastic about forking out for a new one.

When the lens on my six-year-old iPhone cracked, he suggested that I look into refurbished models, rather than buying a new one.

The cost of a new iPhone would be less than he'd spend on chartering a boat for the day on the French Riviera – but the boat is something he can boast about, whereas my phone is insignificant because it doesn't confer status on him in any way.

Of course, I get to live in the lovely house and go on the luxury holidays, and I'll be eating fantastic food at this fancy restaurant on Valentine's Day. But he isn't doing it for me, and I begrudge being expected to collude in this sham where he gets to look like an amazing husband for splashing out on somewhere special, when he's so parsimonious in private.

The expectation that I smile along in this charade makes me feel used. It's as if I'm just a bit-part player in these scenarios he sets up to impress people.

And of course, going to this exorbitantly priced place on Valentine's Day, when restaurants whack up their prices, allows him to show off even more, because the bill will be astronomical.

I know that many women would love to be in my shoes on February 14, because it will be a slap-up meal.

I've looked at the menu online, and it's likely that we'll eat caviar, lobster and truffle potatoes, washed down with a decent wine – after kicking off the evening with vintage champagne. But it's only for bragging rights.

Part of me feels almost guilty for failing to appreciate how lucky I am – but I am resentful and angry because I am just a prop in this pantomime, where he name-drops the restaurant to clients and business associates to showcase what a wonderful life we lead – as a result of how well he's doing.

And I expect he'll be especially mean afterwards.

Instead of swinging between extravagance and penny-pinching, I just wish he'd meet me somewhere in the middle – and actually do something that's genuinely for me.

© Telegraph Media Group Limited 2025

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