'The best part of being a single mum at Christmas'

Christmas when you have kids is hectic. There is so much to do — from gift-buying to gift-hiding to gift-wrapping to gift-giving, to cleaning up after they have ripped the packaging off and run off to play, thanking Santa as they go.

Then there's the food and the guests and if you're married, two or three functions to attend to ensure no family feels offended at not having been given the gift of your time on either Christmas Day or Boxing Day.

While I have always found Christmas to be busy and, yes, draining, I've always thrown myself into it full-force.

During my marriage, I was the one to organise get-togethers and make sure we visited with my in-laws so the kids got to spend time with both sides of the family.

RELATED: These are the easiest Christmas food gifts to make with the kids

From the time they woke up to my mum's house later that day to my in-laws that evening to more in-laws the next day, I was on the ball.

Each of my children had bags packed with everything they would need while we were on the road, and when we'd return home I'd unpack it all and place everything new in their rooms.

There were so many people to see and so much to do.

It was easier when the kids were younger; they would go along with whatever we'd tell them was happening. But as they got older, the sullenness crept in and it became more difficult to entice them to keep up with our hectic festive schedule.

Two years ago, my husband and I divorced. What followed was a very awkward Christmas period during which we didn't know what to do with our children and with each other, let alone our families.

I think he had them for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning that first year and I may have the second. It's all a bit of a blur, to be honest.

This will be our third Christmas post-divorce, and now my ex and I are getting along much better and co-parenting like a dream, I'm actually looking forward to the festive season as a single mum.

While those first couple of Christmases were filled with guilt about all the family functions that lay in ruins and all the people I'd no longer see, there is much less work now.

I don't have to buy gifts for my in-laws or prepare food for their visit. There is no 'special milk' or drinks to buy to suit their preferences. Cleaning is limited to the mess my children and I make, and we have one Christmas family function to attend.

This year, it feels like I am living a dream.

My ex will have the kids for Christmas Eve because he bought them really cool gifts they are anxious to receive, and then he'll drop them at my mum's for Christmas lunch. I'll help set up and clean up, but the operative word is help — between my siblings and our older children we will make light work of it.

These days, Christmas afternoon is about lying down and digesting with nowhere to go and nothing to do except snack on cherries and sip on drinks.

I'm not sure why I let Christmas become so hectic during my marriage.

My ex would agree that when we were together, domestic duties were not equally divided. He'd help when asked, but the fact I had to ask was an issue. And as the primary carer of our children I was always on the front foot to when it came to what they needed.

It became easier just to do everything myself. I ran myself ragged trying to ensure everyone else had a perfect day and perfect gift and perfect drink and perfect meal.

I became lost in the shuffle, and while I don't regret those years of devotion to others, I am certainly enjoying not having to carry that burden alone anymore.

It helps that my children are older now, and can see what it takes for such things as family functions to take place and how carefully I have to budget to make ends meet. I've enjoyed them getting to know what goes on behind the scenes.

Having them all to myself on what is such a special day is also important to me. I feel as though we have a chance to truly connect, and they say the same about their time with their dad. He is completely focused on them. There is nobody to pass the buck to.

I wish we'd figured out how to achieve all of this space and time and connection and relaxation while we had been together, but it was what it was, and it is what it is.

What it was was a busy and stressful Christmas and New Year as a married mother of three. What it is now is a relaxing and enjoyable Christmas and New Year as a single mum.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all the single mums and dads and their kids. Let's make sure we all have an amazing time.

Share your story at 9Honey@nine.com.au.