‘What a 10-year-old bullying victim taught me about resilience’

Being different is being brave enough to be yourself. Just ask my new best friend, Willow*.

My gorgeous new ‘little sister’ is nothing short of the most incredible soul I have ever met.

She is bold, she is passionate, she is my favourite kind of crazy, she is mature beyond her years and, my favourite part – she isn’t afraid to be her wonderful self, regardless of what anyone says.

But like many kids, Willow is fighting the evils of schoolyard bullies.

After sharing my own experience of being viciously bullied in high school, I was contacted by Willow’s mum, Tracy*. She reached out to me through my mum, and asked if I would have time to meet my new biggest fan.

“My 10-year-old Willow is suffering," the text from Tracy began.

“[We] read Ashley’s story and she cried… She thinks Ashley is amazing.”

Without hesitation, I organised to meet Willow that week.

The beginning of a friendship

Willow has all the pink sparkly princess toys a girl could want, stacked upon a massive bookshelf of books that she’s “read at least a few times” each.

After giving me the rundown of her most-prized possessions, Willow directed me to where we were to sit and chat.

In the middle of her bedroom, she had set up a table with tea and cookies for us to have a chinwag over.

“You can close the door behind you when you leave,” she signalled to her sister with a wave.

It was time to get serious.

“There is a thing called the ‘Willow Touch’ - like if I touch something or someone, all of the boys say, ‘Ewww don’t touch that, it’s got Willow Touch on it’,” she said, nervously fidgeting with her hands.

Willow continued to tell me all the cruel things the kids at school put her through.

“You see, I’m different. I have ADHD – my brain works differently – so people call me weird," she said.

She shared with me all the drama between her little friends, all the cliques and games, and all the ways they leave one another out at sleepovers.

She also told me about their threats to ostracise her.

Willow is not alone

Unfortunately, this is the bullying you often hear about in primary schools. To many, it seems petty, but to a child trying to make friends and fit in it can be crushing.

According to government statistics, approximately one in four students get bullied every few weeks – the highest percentage being among Willow’s age group, with 32 per cent of Year Five students reporting being bullied.

Despite her unfair circumstances, Willow has shown complete strength and resilience. And as much as she hated the cheap ways her peers picked on her, she wasn’t crying over it.

I was in awe of how brave she was, which is probably why her next sentence hit me like a punch to the stomach.

“Sometimes people say that maybe the boys pick on me because they like me.”

There it was: the most disturbing and damaging thing little girls have been taught for centuries.

LISTEN: How can parents help their kids be brave in the face of bullying? The Honey Mums podcast discusses. (Post continues.)

All I could do is shake my head and say “no”, trying to gather enough G-rated words to respond. My heart broke hearing that this precious little girl was not only accepting poor treatment, but attributing it to boys "having a crush.”

It is so wrong that we are taught this; that teasing and tormenting is a sign of affection.

We are told love means being treated with malice instead of kindness, and we are told to accept poor behaviour. It’s just not right.

Enough is enough

When boys at my school called me names for being ugly, I was told the same thing. These days, it’s things like, “Oh, I bet they regret that now, they probably want a piece of you.”

Ew. No.

These illegitimate excuses create low standards in young women. Low standards create a lack of self-respect. A lack of self-respect creates a loss in the strength, resilience, and indispensable intelligence we carry as women.

It makes it OK for us to think we don’t matter. But we do.

For Willow and every other girl, don’t ever make excuses for people who treat you poorly.

It's not only poor behaviour from boys that is disregarded. Since my article was published, I’ve had people say to me, “Oh, school yard bullying is harmless, it’s part of being a kid”, or, “That’s just how kids are, other kids should learn not to take it to heart.”

Then there's the ‘girls being girls’ argument.

“I had a woman tell me, ‘Oh that’s just girls, girls act like that’,” Willow’s mum Tracy said.

“That’s not right. Girls shouldn’t be b—chy. They should be taught to be kind.”

Her daughter is being excluded discreetly and made to feel like an outcast.

The harsh reality of bullying

Willow is so filled with anxiety she becomes sick to the stomach and asks to not go to school. She now has no choice but to play with the kids in Year Two, because no one in Year Five (her year level) will give her a chance.

“You know when your kid is doing something wrong, you know when they’re being nasty,” Tracy told me.

“But Willow isn’t, she’s kind, and I don’t know what to do to fix it. It’s so hard.”

As Willow’s dad, Darren*, said: “Parents need to teach their kids kindness.”

Mean behaviour isn’t an innate function; what we are seeing is learnt behaviour. Yes, your child may have picked up nasty habits from another child, however, that child learned it from somewhere, and it goes on.

WATCH: The deadly toll of cyberbullying in Australia. (Post continues.)

Willow reached out to me because she could relate her “weirdness” to mine. She knew I was there to talk, and so came forward and admitted, at 10 years of age, that she wasn’t OK.

She was so grateful for me to come and see her, she kept hugging me and thanking me, calling me pretty and the biggest compliment I’ve ever received: “You are like a blue/green mermaid.” (Apparently, they are the best kind.)

“I can just feel that you like being happy and you give off such positive vibes. You love smiling, don’t you?” she told me.

Yet I don’t think she will ever understand how grateful I am that she reached out to me.

She reminded me what life is all about. She made me remember to never waste your time on people that don’t value you. She showed me to always give the time to people who would do the same for you, and mainly, she reminded me that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Willow dreams of becoming an actor; in her own words, she "likes making people smile.”

Away from the bullying, she finds nirvana with her best friend, writing scary stories and even producing scripts.

Willow has drive, she has guts, and she has strength. But at the end of the day, she is a 10-year-old girl who is speaking out and letting us know the real impacts of bullying. In my eyes, that makes her a superhero.

Ashley Kent is a journalism student and intern at Nine.com.au. Follow her on Instagram here.

*Willow and her parents' names have been changed.