Baci has witnessed hundreds of deaths. This is why she wants you to start thinking about your own

Baci Hillyer is no stranger to death and grief. 

She's experienced her own harrowing losses and, during her capacity as an end-of-life doula and palliative care volunteer, has sat by the bedsides of hundreds as they took their final breaths.

Hillyer has had eye-opening conversations with people while death waited in the wings and held their hands as they silently slipped away.

These encounters have taught her so much about death and, in turn, so much about life and what it means to live – and leave – well. 

Hillyer, who lost her father and brother in the space of six months, spent two years working as a palliative care volunteer, where she would sit with "dozens" of dying patients a week.

"Every time I would walk out of the ward or leave the room [after a patient passed] I was just deeply, deeply grateful for the interaction," Hillyer tells nine.com.au. 

The space between life and death, she explains, is one where any frills or facades are completely stripped back, allowing raw truth to take its place. 

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"Sitting with people dying is the most authentic space that anyone can be in," Hillyer, now a death literacy advocate and the founder of Deadicate, says. 

"There's no room for anything but pure authenticity."

In those moments, while every death is "incredibly unique", Hillyer says the same themes pop up time and time again. 

"It seems to be what is most personal is universal," she says. 

There are those who wish they'd spent more time travelling and less time working. Then those who wished they'd stayed in contact with certain people, been a better parent or just "known then what they know now".

The overarching theme: "Don't wait, do what you need to do now and follow your dreams". 

"[It has reminded me to] be grateful for every breath that I'm taking … and to just get out there and do my best and be the best person I can be," she says.

"The dying teach you how to live," Hillyer adds, although she says we're often not willing to listen. 

While death, like taxes, is one of the only certainties in life, Hillyer notes many of us tend to avoid the topic of our own mortality – at least until life thrusts it upon us.

She observes that, while many of us put a lot of effort into living well, little emphasis is placed on how to "leave well". 

Learning to embrace the inevitable, Hillyer believes, can help us live fuller lives and feel calmer as the end draws nearer, while also helping to lessen the "aftermath" for those left behind.

"[By doing so] we're leaning into something that's uncomfortable, we're scared of, we're in fear of but it's inevitable," she says. 

"When you do that, the gift that comes is transformation, you change, because you start to look at priorities differently."

When you think about what you want your final moments to look like and the legacy you want to leave behind, Hillyer explains, it helps you live with more intention and less fear.

There are the practical steps to take, like sorting out your will and organising advanced care plans but there are also important conversations to have.

Who would you like to be with in your final moments? What do you want your funeral to look like? How do you want to be remembered?

Hillyer says talking to those around you about your wishes can help you feel better prepared when the time eventually comes. 

"Conversation leads to preparation, leads to liberation," Hillyer says.

Rather than waiting until death comes knocking, Hillyer says being prepared well in advance makes things "a whole lot easier and calmer".

"We need to talk as much as possible about this because conversation leads to preparation," Hillyer says.

Like Hillyer, there are a number of people, called end-of-life doulas, who are dedicated to helping people navigate this transition when the time comes.

According to Palliative Care Australia, an end-of-life doula is a non-medical support person who provides "emotional, social and practical support to people with life-limiting illness and their families".

While people taking on the role are emerging throughout Australia, end-of-life doulas are not yet formally recognised and differ from the role of a palliative care volunteer.

A client who engages this kind of support will do so under a private arrangement between the doula and the client for a fee.

"Palliative care services rely on trained volunteers to provide non-medical support under formal supervision, which is different and distinct from the independent work of doulas," Camilla Rowland, Chief Executive Officer, Palliative Care Australia, tells nine.com.au.

"Both can play valuable roles in ensuring people feel supported, connected and respected at the end of life.

"Palliative Care Australia recognises the growing interest in end-of-life doulas as part of a broader community movement to support compassionate, person-centred care at the end of life."

Hillyer, who founded Deadicate, a platform designed to help educate people about death and remove the taboo that surrounds it, believes that end-of-life doulas are an essential part of end-of-life care and is passionate that the role receives formal recognition.

"We need to be able to work together because doctors and nurses are on a bit of a timeline," Hillyer says. 

"Whereas end-of-life doulas, we're not time poor … I could sit with a patient for two hours, I could sit with one for two minutes or twenty minutes."

As an end-of-life doula and a death literacy advocate, Hillyer's overall aim is to encourage people to seek the right care for themselves, reduce the stigma around death and embrace death as what it is: a "natural, human and communal" part of life.

"It is never too early to start conversations about end-of-life wishes. Talking with loved ones about what matters most helps ensure care reflects a person's values and brings comfort and clarity when it is needed most," says Rowland.

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