'It was hell': Kirsten Moore's descent into drug addiction could have been avoided

Kirsten Moore avoided most of the unhealthy behaviours of her teenage peers during her idyllic Melbourne upbringing.

"I never smoked or anything because I was a singer and I wanted to protect my voice. So I took that really seriously," she tells 9honey.

Moore had also been treated for anorexia and mental ill health. She thought the worst was behind her.

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Then, at 21, her health took a serious turn for the worst in the form of a spinal tumour.

"It was called 'benign aggressive,'" she says. "That means that it doesn't metastasise to different areas of your body but where it grows, it grows very fast. They were worried about it developing into my lungs. They were concerned because it had taken up an entire vertebra and some ribs.

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"They were worried about me having an accident and splitting in two."

It would take 18 months from diagnosis before Moore could undergo surgery to remove the tumour and a full spinal resection.

"I was being given opiates already when I had the back pain to relieve that muscle tension when they were trying to figure out what it was," she says.

"I was talking to this doctor with my dad and I asked him," she says. I said, 'I know that I have to take the opioid medication afterwards, is that going to be an issue to come off because I think I had kind of like an addictive personality,' which is why I avoided drugs.

She was told most people "just ease off it naturally" when the "pain dies down."

This didn't happen for Moore. She knew she was in trouble. Adding to her own health problems was her best friend being diagnosed with a brain tumour, the sudden death of her father and the end of a seven-year relationship.

The opioids became a "crutch to lean on to help me deal with the emotional side of things."

"The way I think about it is like what it gave me is hope," she says. "I was full of so much rage and I was so suicidally depressed and just in so much mourning for so many different areas of my life and when I had this medication I just felt like I could live another day. I could take another step forward."

At first she was able to hide her addiction by using her prescription in a matter of days before "white-knuckling it" until she could get more.

"It was hell," she says.

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Those who did notice she was unwell wrote it off as grief. By the time her doctor became aware of her addiction, she was too far gone for simple weaning.

Moore was in a new relationship and was planning a trip to Italy. Her new partner would be responsible for managing her medication which was just enough to get her through the trip before she could return and enter treatment.

"And of course, I got all the boxes all at once to go to Italy and ended up taking the month's worth in 10 days," she says.

Moore entered rehab and thought she had conquered her addiction. Then she suffered a significant relapse during the COVID-19 lockdown.

Moore was in rehab over Christmas and she'd also had a lot of therapy in the past when she'd been suffering from anorexia.

"I think my main issue was lockdown. That was my biggest relapse. I've had like little lapses here and there when something really bad was going on but for the most part, I couldn't access it because I was too embarrassed," she says.

This turned out to be the "awakening" she needed. She would need to learn to live without opioids, even during times of great stress.

Opioid addiction in Australia has become a significant issue, such is the highly addictive nature of the medication.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, every day in Australia there are nearly 150 hospitalisations and 14 emergency department presentations involving opioids. Three people die from drug-induced deaths involving opioid use each day.

Moore has written a book about her experiences called Gutter Glitter.

"It was a difficult process. There was so much trauma to unpack," she says.

The book would take her years to complete.

"All I really want and all I would have wanted for myself at that time is to know that it is truly possible to not just exist but to actually be happy and smile and content in this world," she says.

And she hopes to inspire others who are still in the depths of their addiction.

"I had a lot of people around me on my side and I can see why if you don't have that people really struggle to get out of these loops of addiction," she says.

"It's just putting one foot in front of the other, one toe in front of the other some days, to survive."

If you or someone you know is in need of support for mental ill health contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. For substance abuse support contact the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015

For help with eating disorders contact The Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673.