Money Manners: 'I can't afford the bridesmaids dress for my friend's wedding'

Money Manners is Honey Money's weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week's question comes via a 9honey reader grappling with the cost of being part of a friend's wedding.

Dilemma: 'My friend has chosen a $1,400 bridesmaids dress'

I am a bridesmaid for my friend's wedding in August, and she has chosen a $1,400 dress for the bridesmaids – and expects us to cover the cost of it.

I was expecting to pay maybe $400 for the dress, then there's the shoes and earrings.

How do I let her know this is too expensive, and how do I suggest she choose a more affordable dress without upsetting her? Or should I just go into debt and buy it to keep the peace?

Or should I quit as a bridesmaid altogether?

Advice: 'Being part of a wedding should be a happy and memorable experience, not a burden'

The cost of weddings can certainly add up. Even well-intentioned brides have come undone after failing to consider the overall cost of their nuptials.

Oftentimes, they forget to consider the expenses their bridal parties will face after agreeing to be a part of the blessed event.

I asked Money Queen Amanda Frances to weigh in on this one.

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"Love, you have to say something. This is your financial well-being we're talking about – you cannot mess with that. To me, that's sacred," she said.

"Being part of a wedding should be a happy and memorable experience, not a burden. Approach your friend with love and appreciation, expressing your excitement for her big day while gently explaining the dress cost was more than you anticipated.

"A conversation like, 'I'm so honoured to be a part of your wedding, but I was taken aback by the cost, and it's more than I can spend right now. Is there any flexibility, or could we explore some alternatives?' can open the door to solutions."

Frances explained brides can sometimes get "tunnel vision and lose touch with what's going on for those around them, especially their bridal party", which she says is "completely understandable! It's her day and planning a wedding is a lot".

"However, your honesty might actually help her consider options that work better for everyone," Frances continued.

"If this wedding is meaningful to you, I absolutely want you to be part of it – but not at the expense of your financial well-being."

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"You can celebrate your friend without compromising yourself. Say it with me, 'There is a solution to every problem,'" she added.

is a self-made multimillionaire and best-selling author known as the . You can follow her .

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