Love and money: how to navigate, with Jess Irvine

One of the biggest financial decisions we will ever make is who we decide to share our finances with.

Who we choose as our romantic partner has a huge impact on the course our lives take – including how things go for us financially. A good match can be the foundation upon which to build a secure future. A bad one could become a massive setback, as their money problems become your problem too. 

And if you don't talk about it, money can quickly become a source of relationship conflict.

"When I talk to couples, it's not uncommon to find that they have different spending styles: one partner is a 'spender' and the other a 'saver'," says Jess Irvine, CommBank's personal finance expert. "This can lead to tension about how joint money is spent, particularly if there is a lack of transparency over accounts."

That's why it's essential to be able to speak to your partner about money. Despite this, it's a conversation many of us struggle with – research from CommBank has found a quarter of Australians don't feel comfortable talking to our partner about our finances.

So what do you need to know about having The Talk? We asked Jess Irvine for some tips. 

Okay, so how can I initiate the money talk with my partner?

First things first, talking finance doesn't have to be a 'bad' chat.

In fact, it's actually a chance to dream big, plan your future together and get excited about everything you want to do together – from where you'd like to buy a home to the trips you'd love to take.

"Frame the conversation in terms of what you would like to be able to do together and the life you would like to create," Irvine suggests.

It also helps to lead with 'I' focused statements, rather than 'you' focused statements when initiating the money talk, Irvine says. Start by sharing your own experience and history with money and ask open questions about your partner's.

But if you do still feel awkward talking about money, it's okay to admit that.

"It can help to acknowledge that talking about money is an uncomfortable topic for you," says Irvine. "Ultimately, because money is the facilitator of so many of the things we want in life, it is something to prioritise talking about in your relationship – even if it's a bit uncomfortable."

What do we need to talk about?

To get everything out there, it's important to be able to speak about uncomfortable topics like debt. Just try to be open minded, non-judgemental and focus on your abilities to make different choices going forward.

"It can help to make a list of all the debts you own, either individually, or together," Irvine says. "Discuss the amount of debt, the type of debt, the institution owed to and the amount of any regular recurring payments and due dates."

And you absolutely need to be open about how much you earn.

"Sharing your salary is an uncomfortable topic for many people, but it's important information to share with your partner," Irvine says. 

"Some couples like to split their joint expenses relative to their earning power, which can help make things feel fairer, particularly in the early days. If children or pets come into the picture, discussing income and earning potential can help couples decide how best to divvy up working and caring responsibilities."

Start planning

Once you've aired the awkward stuff, it's time for the fun things. You can chat about your major money goals, whether that's working together to save a home deposit, saving for a dream holiday or building an investment portfolio. Irvine recommends starting a shared vision board of all the things you would like to achieve.

It can also be helpful to make a list of all your individual and shared assets, such as property, investments and savings accounts. Having a full picture of your collective 'net worth' – assets minus liabilities – can help you to plan for your future financial needs and wants together.

"Once you know your major goals, you can then work out your plan for how you will achieve them via a savings plan," Irvine says. "Figure out a price tag for each goal and when you would like to achieve them. Be realistic. It can help to identify one goal you would like to work on achieving together first."

Finally, Irvine says, keep in mind that money isn't a one-and-done conversation. It's something you'll need to chat about regularly – you might like to check in on how you're tracking with your goals and spending once a month or every quarter.

"Don't miss the opportunity to share any little money wins or challenges you have along the way – a problem shared is a problem halved," Irvine says. 

"Money is a part of our daily lives, so speaking about it should be something that comes up naturally in regular conversation too."

Talking money? Remember to dream

Feel more confident about your relationship with money and start your financial fitness journey with CommBank today. 

Discover a brighter side to money with tips on how to strengthen your savings muscle, master your money mindset and get your cash flow working for you. Learn practical steps to make your money go further today and plan for a brighter tomorrow at honey.nine.com.au/commbank

Source: CommBank Research 2024

This page provides general information of an educational nature only. It does not have regard to the financial situation or needs of any reader and must not be relied upon as personal financial product advice. As the information has been provided without considering your objectives, financial situation or needs, you should, before acting on this information, consider if it is appropriate to your circumstances. You should also consider whether seeking independent professional legal, tax and financial advice is necessary.