'I married a man to get revenge against my ex-boyfriend'

My boyfriend Matt broke my heart. We were together for three years and I really thought I'd found the right man for me. My friends and family all adored him, we were really a perfect couple – or that's what I thought at the time.

I still don't really understand why he broke up with me. I asked him many times for a proper explanation and all he gave me was, "it wasn't working for me".

I wanted details so I could learn from the experience. Was I too serious? Was I too boring, or not smart enough? I just wish I knew. My best friend told me she thinks that sometimes people just fall out of love and he didn't have the guts to tell me.

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So I did what I thought was the best thing for my mental health and well being. I got straight back into dating again.

It was a good way to get Matt out of my head, even though I still loved him so much. But I met Paul very quickly and he was a great distraction for me. He was actually better looking than Matt and much more successful.

I'd always been a bit slack with contraception and, even though it wasn't my intention, I fell pregnant when Paul and I had only been together for five months.

Anyway, he was thrilled and so was I – but was I in love with him? No, not really. But when he proposed to me, I said yes and we got married when I was quite heavily pregnant.

We have a baby boy now and I love him so much. But when he was born, I was shocked to receive a card and a present from Matt, congratulating me on the birth of my baby.

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I just burst into tears. It made me realise I was still in love with Matt and I should never have married Paul.

I really only married him on the classic "rebound" as I was hoping that Matt would hear that I was engaged and maybe he'd be jealous and want me back.

It didn't work out like that at all. So now I'm trapped in a marriage that doesn't really satisfy me. He's a great dad and we are good friends but I really miss the whole feeling of being totally in love with my partner.

I've had to stop myself several times from contacting Matt. I know I would only be making a fool out of myself but I keep replaying our special moments in my head.

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Surely, at some time in our relationship, he really loved me? I know he loved the sex, he couldn't fault that and nor could I.

I keep stalking him on social media, after I set up an account under a fake name and photo. It's not easy for me to see him being so happy being single. It's clear that I wasn't the woman for him but I wish that I knew what it was that made him leave me.

I need to let him go and I just want some closure.