'Married At First Sight' recap Episode 12: Chickenpox, cupcakes and 'The Harold Bolt'

Tonight's episode of Married At First Sight combines my favourite things: highly contagious illnesses, the mystery of Harold Holt and Mick's new haircut.

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After a week of Yes, the 10 couples excitedly return to the warehouse for some fun cocktails and dinner -- all while being spied on by the experts in a dark, dusty room filled with CCTV and untouched macarons.

THE COCKTAIL PARTY

Heidi and Mike and Jules and Cam are the first two couples to arrive. Because they're all relatively drama-free, Jules and Cam spill the tea on Lauren and Matt.

JULES: Lauren's very open and she just sort of said, 'How do you feel about certain things… like open relationships.'
CAM: She has a lot of friends that do threesomes, open relationships and we just went, 'How are you feeling, Matty?'
HEIDI: How did he feel?
JULES: Matt kind of took it the wrong way.
HEIDI: I wish I was there for that conversation!

For the first time in his life, Mike is speechless. The experts are also quite shook at this development. They say it's all new information.

Enter: Lauren and Matt with the worst timing ever. They aren't dumb, so they know they're being discussed, but they happily engage in the conversation.

Next, Cyrell and Nic, Melissa and Dino, and Ning and Mark arrive. But the entrance that gets the biggest reaction is Jessika and Mick's.

Because Mick -- with his new haircut and moustache -- looks like a crim who has kidnapped a young lady.

Adding to the whole tableau is the fact Jessika enters every room like she owns it while Mick enters every room like it's the first day of uni and he's not sure he's in the right lecture.

The disaster-area that is Ines and Bronson turn up just as dinner is served. As all the couples -- minus a missing Elizabeth and Sam -- head to the dining room, Cyrell accosts Nic so they can have a big ol' fight about Nic not paying her enough attention.

She's mad that he doesn't check up on her and refill her drinks during the cocktails like some of the other grooms do. Cyrell appears to have some sort of medical condition where she must start an argument every second day or she will legit die.

Unfortunately Nic did not realise that his role is both husband and waiter. Duh!

THE DINNER PARTY

Everyone speculates about Elizabeth and Sam's absence.

JESSIKA: I think they've gone home.
MICK: You reckon they've done the bolt.
JESSIKA: I reckon they've done the old Harold Bolt.
MICK: Harold Holt, love.
JESSIKA: Damn it.  

This moment is extremely endearing. If Mick and Jessika make it to the end of this whole thing, the experts should be knighted.

And hey, at least it's better than Jess' diaphragm/diagram mix-up.

For Ines, Sam's disappearance is a tragedy. She's been having an Instagram DMs affair with him, and he's the only reason she was looking forward to being here.

She wants to take things from the text level… to the next level. I know that's really lame but it is totally something they would say. That's life in the world's worst and least subtle affair. These two make professional wrestling look like Downton Abbey.

Jess chats with Mike about her relationship with Mick. She explains that she hasn't had a sexual connection with Mick, but that she loves every minute she spends with him.

Mike suggests that if Jess waits too long to sleep with him, they may go their separate ways. Is this good advice or more evidence of Mike's pathological need for the other couples to sleep together?

Sam arrives late, for the second dinner party in a row. I guess he didn't want his second go to be underwhelming compared to #HoneyImHome.

He's alone -- again. Lizzie still isn't around and everyone is wondering why. But before Sam can explain, he informs the group that he's been struck with the pox.

Bad news for the MAFS contestants, it's smallpox! No, just kidding, it's chicken. I would have said that, but that's why I don't get invited to dinner parties anymore.

"So basically, the reason I'm late is I've been diagnosed with chickenpox," he says. "The good news is, if you've had it, you're all sweet, and if you've been vaccinated, you're all good too."

BUT WHAT IF THEY HAVEN'T, SAM!!!!!!!!

You don't walk into a room and THEN announce you have chickenpox. You tell everyone first, check they have either had it or been vaccinated, and THEN you walk into a room.

This guy, honestly.

Next, he explains that he hasn't seen Lizzie all day and doesn't know where she is.

Relationship genius Mike, shooting for a spot at that experts table, tells Sam he's dodged a bullet.

"You've been a gentleman the whole way through," says Mike, who clearly wasn't around for the sexting between Sam and Ines the last 24 hours. Or the five days where he vanished and didn’t let Lizzie know where he was, and lied about his messaging service. Or the fat-shaming.

Bronson has been chatting with the guys and tells them that since his therapy sesh with Ines and John, the relationship has been blossoming. Oh Bronson, you poor dumbo. If only you knew.

Sam is currently floating around the table pretending to talk to everyone before finally getting to Ines' side of the table.

If this is how these two flirt, I'm beginning to understand why they're on the show.

He looks over at Ines and drops their super dumb code word.

SAM: I need dessert. I feel like a cupcake or something.
INES: You want a cupcake? Why a cupcake?
SAM: I just crave them. Don't you crave them?
INES: Sometimes I want a cupcake, sometimes I don't.

Sam and his chickenpox shuffle into another room, slowly followed by Ines.

Their conversation is… awkward at best. Also, I hope Ines has been vaccinated.

They start holding hands and I feel uncomfortable even watching this. This is 10 times worse than Dean and Davina that one time. Ten times worse.

They both agree to say 'Stay' in the commitment ceremony on Sunday with their respective partners, despite not liking them. Ines and Sam return to the table - separately. Smooth.

On the other side of the table, stuff is going doooown.

Matt begins to open up to some of the guys about his hesitation with Lauren since her big sexual revelation. As each sentence comes out, it's clear he's processing these thoughts for the first time.

MATT: The more I learn about [her], the more I realise how completely different people we are. What if the reason I'm not able to show her the attention and affection that she wants, is because I'm just not attracted to her and I'm just not feeling those urges. It should just happen. It shouldn't be an effort. It should just come. It shouldn't be something I have to consciously think of and force myself to do. And maybe that's why I'm feeling lost. Because I'm trying to force something that just isn't there. I have no urge to rip her clothes off and throw her on the bed.

Lauren looks over at him. She's heard Matt.

"What the f---?," she mutters. "Bulls---."

This is all very sad. We had such high hopes for these two.

Moments later, Martha, Jess, Jules and Lauren are sitting together talking about their partners.

"Do you think the feelings we have for these guys are real?" asks Martha. "Or do you think they're just because we're in this experiment and we're living with them 24/7 and we're on top of them all the time."

Jules responds first.

"I'm a 37-year-old woman, I've had a lot of practice," she says. "Mine are a hundred per cent real. Cam now to me is the hottest man in the world. Mentally, physically, emotionally -- I feel he's tailor made for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with that man."

After a brief period sobbing happy tears, we return to Loz.

She, unlike the rest of Australia, is not here for happy marriages with Jules and Cam.

"Everything's fake," she says. "Matt basically openly said that he's not attracted to me."

Lauren explains what she heard, and the girls tell her to talk to Matt. Lauren grabs him and takes him to another room and asks if what she heard was correct. It was.

"I'm not feeling the physical pull," he tells her.

Lauren calls Matt out for telling this to the boys before he told her

"I just feel a bit used, Matt. Did you just use me to lose your virginity?" she asks.

"No. Not at all."

Lauren walks out, and the experts look absolutely devo.

"We may lose some couples tomorrow night," says John.

Might be time to swap out that water for wine.

Married At First Sight Season 6 airs Sunday at 7pm and Monday to Wednesday at 7:30pm on Nine. Catch up on exclusive interviews and gossip at 9Honey Celebrity. Missed an episode? Get your Married At First Sight recaps here. MAFS obsessed? Tune into 9Honey's weekly chat show, Talking Married, where you'll get the inside scoop on every episode. For more on MAFS, including past episodes and behind-the-scenes clips, head to the official site.