'When did honesty become the new lying?': MAFS scenes reflect a surprising new 'movement'

There used to be a time when the worst thing you could do to a partner was lie to them. A hurtful breach of trust that took a long time to come back from.

Fast forward to today, when honesty is being weaponised as a defence against all manners of unkind behaviour.

I'm just being honest… I'm just speaking my truth.

At the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw or Jana Hocking, when did honesty become the new lying?

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You need look no further than Married At First Sight for an insight into the honesty movement.

Over the past couple of seasons especially, we've had (mostly) grooms defending their sometimes uncharitable behaviour as "just being honest". The result has been partners with wounded self-esteem trying to make sense of their spouse's feelings.

But it's not just the MAFS crew to blame for the honesty overload.

TikTok is riddled with content from influencers espousing the value of honesty "even if it hurts", and it's an influence they are having on twenty and 30-something behaviour.

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So, in the honesty game is the juice worth the squeeze? Does being honest trump being kind or thoughtful? Is honesty always the best policy?

Frankly, no. I'm not advocating dishonesty, I'm just suggesting you be a bit more selective with the truth and use it to help rather than harm.

Most people surveyed say the times they are most likely to lie are to spare someone's feelings. Bingo.

That's the right time to do it – not to just purge your soul with truth bombs and wait for the collateral damage.

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For centuries, the gold standard for honesty was, "Does my arse look big in this?"

This is the most alarming question ever devised. The Sophie's Choice of relationship dilemmas. The question is brilliant because there is no correct answer.

If you say "yes", you risk your partner running off in a flood of tears. If you say "no", you get accused of "you're just saying that."

But a new contender has emerged for the title of the most dread-inducing honesty question: The MAFS Photo Ranking Challenge. This has brought unstuck some of the most iconic characters on Australian TV.

Rank all the brides/grooms in the experiment, including your own, in order of attractiveness. Simple, right?

When this was first devised for MAFS a few years ago, there was doubt about it even making the broadcast because probably everyone would just put their own spouse first.

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Well, never overestimate human nature. In the first season several partners found themselves relegated to second, third or worse and it's a tradition that's continued to this day. The defence? I just wanted to be honest.

So, in reality and real life this dilemma isn't going anywhere in a hurry. Next time your significant other asks, "Does this haircut make my bum look big?", if you share your truth, also share a little compassion.

Your partner may not be as passionate as you are about your all-consuming desire for honesty.

John Walsh is the Network Executive Producer of Married at First Sight

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