Jill's toxic relationship with alcohol meant she was living a 'double life'

The journey to sobriety certainly isn't a linear one – just ask Jill Stark.

Scottish-born Stark is an author, journalist and mental health advocate who literally wrote the book on giving up alcohol.

After a complicated relationship with booze, she decided to document a three-month sabbatical from drinking while working at The Age. This snowballed into a book deal in 2013, with Stark eventually penning her tome High Sobriety: My Year Without Booze.

Many Australians toyed with the idea of full-time sobriety during Dry January. And as Stark tells 9Honey, it's a decision that doesn't always pan out the way you want it to.

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"I was kind of a weekend binge drinker and had been for many, many years," Stark recalls.

"At the time, I was a health reporter for The Age newspaper, writing about Australia's alcohol problem during the week and then writing myself off at the weekend. I was kind of living this… almost double life."

As a heavy drinker, Stark couldn't ignore the irony of her day job. But it wasn't until she woke up with the "worst hangover" of her life in 2011 that she first decided to dabble in sobriety.

At first, it was just a 90-day break from drinking. "I had been up all night, partying and was about to turn 35 that year," she says. "And I thought, 'I can't keep doing this'."

Stark's decision was also prompted by Chris Raine, the founder of Hello Sunday Morning, a non-profit organisation which helps people change their relationship with alcohol.

Raine had told Stark three months was the "minimum time" needed to really examine her relationship with drinking. At first, she was sceptical about her chances of committing to the full 90 days.

"I just thought, 'there's no way I can opt out of this culture of drinking'. But then the hangover of all hangovers forced me to change course," she says.

"I found the three months really rewarding. It was such a surprise to me that life could be so fulfilling, I had more energy and I felt so clear."

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Stark wrote her piece for the newspaper and assumed she'd just resume her regularly-scheduled drinking. However, several publishers soon came knocking and said if she ditched booze for a year, it would make for a riveting book.

The now 46-year-old did just that and quickly became the teetotalling poster girl.

"Ironically, the first thing I wanted to do when I got offered the book deal was go out and celebrate by getting drunk," Stark says.

"But I realised that, all the things you can do with a drink in your hands, you can do it sober. And sometimes those experiences are actually better because you're more present and clear-headed."

After her book hit the shelves in 2013, Stark eased back into social drinking again.

Her plan had always been to be sober for 12 months, but thanks to High Sobriety, she suddenly had a legion of fans who expected her to abstain for the rest of her life.

"I had never planned to stop forever," she admits. "I hoped that I would be able to continue being a mindful, moderate drinker – and I was for quite a while.

"But old habits began to creep back in and I found myself questioning my own willpower."

Stark was tough, but she still fell victim to the guilt and shame associated with alcohol and "falling off the wagon".

She also realised she could no longer be a casual drinker. It had to be all or nothing now.

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"I ended up choosing sobriety rather than moderation because of the mental gymnastics required to constantly bargain with this substance," Stark, who has been fully sober since 2019, says.

"The problem with that is, alcohol by its very nature impairs your impulse control. So I just found that having no alcohol was easier than having one or two and worrying about it.

Stark says Australia's deeply-entrenched drinking culture means many people struggle to see when their relationship with alcohol has grown toxic.

Her advice is: "If it's a problem to stop at just one or two, then you have your answer."

The beginning of February was a milestone moment for the thousands of Australians who committed to Dry January.

Stark deeply empathises with the guilt and anxiety of drinking again after a long period of abstinence. And if you're thinking about returning to sobriety, she has a few pearls of wisdom.

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"I'm not a big believer in absolutes… you don't need to say to yourself, 'That's it, I'm never drinking again'," she explains.

"You should just examine it from a position of, 'What would my life look like if I continue drinking in this way?' And for me, the projection didn't look good.

"I always play the tape forward. Where will that drink take you? Where has it taken you in the past? Drinking was the common denominator for a lot of my mistakes and regrets."

Stark says it might take a few tries, a few slip-ups and a handful of re-evaluated goals. 

In fact, a decade on, she's even updated her original manuscript to a newer version: Higher Sobriety, which honestly documents every part of her sober journey.

In those moments of weakness, Stark recommends thinking less about FOMO (fear of missing out) and more about the joy of waking without a hangover.

"Think about all the anxiety, drama and disrupted sleep," she says. "You're gaining so much more than that. That's the way I like to do it."

If you, or someone you know would like to talk to someone confidentially about addiction, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit Reach Out. In an emergency, call 000.