The number one mistake people make when asking ‘R U OK?’
Conversations about mental health aren’t always easy, but it is increasingly clear that they are crucial.
Each year on R U OK? Day, Australians are encouraged to open up about their mental health, and with more and more work places prioritising their employees’ mental health, those conversations may be happening between colleagues.
R U OK? Day volunteers help spread the word about mental health conversations. R U OK? Day
This can lead to concerns about the consequences of sharing struggles in the workplace or, on the flipside, knowing what to say once struggles are shared.
Practising Psychologist Sandy Rea tells nine.com.au knowing what to say isn’t the most important part of the conversation.
Instead, she said the focus can be on listening.
Knowing what to say isn’t the most important part of the conversation. R U OK?
“I think what often frightens people to ask ‘R U OK?’ is a belief or feeling that they will not know how to handle the answer or be ‘expert’ enough to deal with distress,” Rea told nine.com.au.
She encourages everyone to ask the question anyway.
“As a friend, colleague or mate, all you have to do is be a set of ears. Listen, be available. You don’t have to have the answers.
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“If you feel your friend is at risk of self harm, take them to a GP, call lifeline or simply sit and stay with them. Just being able to offload a problem carries more therapeutic weight than you may possibly imagine.”
Dr Anne Fardell Hartley Principal Psychologist and R U OK? Board Member added to “trust your gut and check in”.
“If a colleague doesn’t seem themselves this Thursday (or any day), trust your gut and check in,” Dr Fardell told nine.com.au.
“You don’t need to be trained in the area or have all the answers. Ask, listen without judgement and let them know you’re there.
Workplaces mark the day in different ways, with cupcakes a common site in offices. Nine
“If they’re struggling, help connect them with the right support and check in again afterwards.”
She suggested avoiding trying to fix the problem.
“People often jump straight to advice or reassurance instead of simply listening and giving their mate or colleague the space to say what’s really going on,” she said.
“You don’t have to have the right words or an answer. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can give someone is your attention and the space to be heard.”
R U OK? Day also aims to prompt individuals to recognise how they are feeling themselves, and to take steps towards support if needed.
The day focuses on Australians supporting each other. RU OK? Day
“It’s best not to wait until things become a crisis to ask for help,” Dr Fardell said. “When it seems like knowing where to start might be too confusing, your GP will have a pathway you can follow and know what resources are out there for you.
She says almost one in two Australians will experience a mental disorder at some point in their lives, and around one in five experience one in any given year.
“This will likely mean some of your colleagues and bosses will have experienced something similar they can identify with. ”
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“Many workplaces today have programs to support their staff, but if you are concerned about your confidentiality, start outside your workplace with your own GP who can help you get on the right pathway.”
Psychologist Zahra Ciardi suggests “listening without interrupting”.
“Slow down, allow them to speak, make eye contact, put your phone or other distractions away, and be present and curious,” she tells nine.com.au. “Ask the person to share more with questions such as, ‘Tell me more about that?’ or ‘What’s been going on?’”
She urges not to be “afraid of silence”.
“Comfortable silence during pauses communicates genuine openness,” Ciardi explains. “You don’t have to fill every gap with words or reassurance. Once the person has shared, thank them for opening up to you and acknowledge the courage it took to do so.
Many colleagues are scared to have conversations around mental health R U OK? Day
“Let them know you’d like to follow up with them and see how they’re doing in the coming days, and get their agreement to do so.”
Dr Fardell hopes R U OK? Day serves as an “annual reminder that every single day is a day to have a conversation about our health and wellbeing”.
“I’d like it to encourage us to carry that curiosity and care into the rest of the year to notice when someone isn’t themselves, check in, listen without judgement and create workplaces and communities where asking for help is seen as a strength, not a weakness,” she added.
If you or someone you know is in need of mental health support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 and access resources on the R U OK? Day website. In the event of an emergency contact Triple Zero (000).
