'I never not want to feel the grief of losing my little sister': How Annika holds on to memories of Tara

Annika's sister, Tara, was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer called Epithelioid Sarcoma when she was just 16 years old. In March 2021, Tara passed away. She was almost 18. 

In February 2019, Tara had just finished watching a theatre play and was sending an email to her teacher about some of her favourite scenes, when she noticed her hand wasn't moving as quick as her mind. It was becoming stuck in a claw-like shape. 

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After a lot of testing a scan found a mass on Tara's right elbow, and she was immediately sent into surgery. The surgery took longer than expected and they couldn't take the entire mass out. 

After recovering from surgery, Tara underwent six weeks of intensive radiation. After being given the all clear, Tara resumed her normal life only to relapse and have her lung collapse. Further tests showed the cancer had spread to Tara's lungs. 

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Despite this Tara was determined to live life to the fullest and to be remembered as the vibrant young woman she was; chatty, feisty and fearless. She was passionate about dance and theatre, and her dream was to become an actor.

Listen to the latest episode of our podcast called Kids Cancer Conversations here, or by pressing play below:

Annika tells us how she holds onto memories of Tara.

"I'm lucky that we've got a lot of memories together. Sometimes I put on our favourite movie, Tinkerbell, and sit there and cry my eyes out. That's what I have to do some days. Allowing myself to have that little cry that is really important to me. I never not want to feel the grief of losing my little sister, because as horrible as it is, it's what my life is now."

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"Our family always find a way to make her feel a little bit included. At her funeral instead of throwing dirt we threw glitter because she was a big personality and she loved glitter… her nickname was Tinkerbell. She was Tink," she said.

"Whenever we go anywhere special, we encourage people to spread a little bit of glitter. That's how we try and make her feel included in everything. It's our little nod to her, leaving a little bit of a trace of where she should have been.

"Tara has shaped me as a person and even though she was my little sister, I looked up to her a lot. I was quieter than she was. She was a drama kid, the public speaker, so I like to draw on her a lot to keep her memory alive, but also to keep her close to me. I've learned so many things from her in that sense."

Kids Cancer Conversations hosted by Georgie Gardner is a podcast made in collaboration with RedKite, the podcast seeks to explore the hidden side of Childhood Cancer, the non-medical part that often gets missed on the cancer journey.

Episode four of Kids Cancer Conversations with Georgie Gardner is available now wherever you get your podcasts.

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