'Enchanted barbecue' only $70
A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a barbecue that cures baldness, grants the power of flight, conjures sexual fantasies and solves life's myriad smaller problems has arisen, according to a tongue-in-cheek Gumtree listing.
"It is with a heavy heart that I must put this invaluable relic of culinary excellence up for sale, as there is only so much power that one man can wield for so long," writes seller Jess Wheeler of the barbecue he obtained at "a sand-swept bazaar named Barbecues Galore".
He says that since owning the barbecue, he has cured a man's baldness with an errant drop of sizzling pork-fat, become able to fly without propulsion, and achieved sexual congress with Hollywood A-lister Scarlett Johanssen atop a unicorn.
The parts of the innocuous-looking barbie have some impressive pedigree. Different elements have belonged to Richard the Lionheart and Mad Max, the ad claims. The burners have been christened "Infernus" and "Hellfire".
Ninemsn lodged an enquiry about the grill with Wheeler in an attempt to determine whether he was deranged, courting attention or simply genuinely believed he had a magical barbecue that cured baldness and made wishes come true.
"I've been inundated with calls, emails and texts," said Wheeler.
"It's gotten so bad that actually selling the thing has fallen by the wayside a little.
He's even received a marriage proposal, he said. But Wheeler is happily married as it is, and the barbecue's powers do not extend to facilitating bigamy.
Wheeler said that the barbecue was most definitely the only enchanted barbecue in existence, and to his knowledge was the only enchanted item he owned.
The relatively modest price tag was due to the fact that "nobody buys second-hand barbecues," he said.
Wheeler told ninemsn he was a junior copywriter trying to break into the advertising game, and that this was one way of getting attention from the agencies he wanted to work in.
We're not sure what aspiring creatives who aren't blessed with enchanted cookware are meant to do to get ahead.
When asked whether he had any regrets about the sale, he said that he wished he'd got a prepaid phone and dedicated email address before listing the item.
