Bring back the quintessential Aussie burger

You may have noticed that as the years go by, food is changing. The advent of processed food has only been around for roughly 75 years — a mere speck of sand in the hourglass of food history. But even now changes to cuisine happen almost daily. I can only talk about my experience and my latest gripe is with burgers.

Growing up, we had no treats. It was all savoury mince this and sausages that, so when it was time to lash out all I ever wanted (and very often still want) is a burger with "the lot". My irk is that "the lot" these days appears to be significantly less element-rich than it used to be. These days you ask for a burger with the lot and then you have to pay additional for what were once original components. So frustrating.

A plain burger these days is meat, cheese and maybe a pickle. This is taken from the American model of burgers, which is fine. For America. Our local milk bars have become dollar-savvy now. Prices start to rise if you want salad items (fried onion, tomato, lettuce) and start to sky rocket when the egg, bacon, pineapples get involved. I've seen them for two dollars an item. Shameful! And more shameful is that some establishments don't even offer beetroot or sweet, sweet pineapple. We may as well be living in downtown Arkansas.

If you crave the good stuff of suburban Australian yesteryear, here is a breakdown of the quintessential Aussie burger.

Bread
White bun with sesame seeds. That is it. We don't want sugary brioche here and save your wholemeal rolls for lunches and vegie burgers. Even bakeries now have started making burger buns as flat discs of dough. Find a baker you love and get the best seeded white roll you can. It's essential too that when you start to construct your burger the bun is toasted.

Meat and cheese
My butcher tried to convince me that he had some magnificent Moroccan-style burger patties in his cabinet. I raised my eyebrow and gave him the stink eye. All you need is quality mince — a kilo for 4 people, a sprinkling of the best salt and pepper. If you don't jiggle your burgers around in the pan, the pattie will stay together. Feel free to use cheddar or any other high-oil cheese that will give you a bite and melt well. If you want true authenticity, go for the processed cheese single.

'Salad'
Essentials are tomato, iceberg lettuce and onions. Fried onions. Remember that fried onions take a decent amount of time to get really soft and caramelised — at least 30 minutes. Feel free to make these ahead of time.

Beetroot and pineapple
Save your grated fresh for midweek. Saturday burgers call for the lurid pink canned stuff if you want an authentic Aussie burger. Remember to buy Australian — look for the kangaroo in the triangle on your tin. With pineapple, again, only canned will do. It will give you a much sweeter hit to counteract the saltiness. Fresh pineapple needs to be eaten afterwards as a refresher, especially if you are at the beach.

Bacon and egg
Free-range eye bacon. I doubt they had free-range bacon in the '70s but while we are trying to be authentic, we are also going for maximum taste. Besides, it's available now so seek it out. In my opinion, the egg needs to be as runny as you can get it without being raw. A well cooked egg just doesn't have the same messy effect. How else will you get yolk down your brand-new Crystal Cylinders T-shirt?

Condiments
We have to give some kudos to Americans for the inclusion of iridescent mustard to burgers, even though mustard sits in the Germanic sphere of the world. Tomato sauce is also essential, as are pickles unless you are one of those that pick them out of shop-bought burgers.

So there you have it — all the elements of the Aussie burger. Although there is a science to the order in which you construct your burger, I don't believe this matters — just throw it together in any order you see fit and dive in. Other essentials for this burger? A caramel malted milkshake and beach-kissed hair.