Woman considers skipping sister's wedding over rescinded flower girl offer: 'I feel torn'

A woman is considering not attending her sister's wedding after her daughter was asked to be a flower girl before the bride later changed her mind.

She shared her frustration on Reddit, saying her sister "Clara" was getting married in a few months' time.

"We've always been close, but things have gotten complicated since she started planning her wedding," she began.

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"A bit of backstory: I have a daughter, 'Lily' (6), who adores Clara. Clara initially told Lily she could be a flower girl, and Lily has been excitedly talking about her 'big role' at the wedding ever since."

Things took a turn "last week" when Lily's mum received a call from her sister to tell her she'd "changed her mind" over the offer.

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"She decided to have only her fiancé's nieces as flower girls because they are from a very traditional family, and having them included would please his family," she shared.

When the sister tried to explain how much being a flower girl meant to Lily "and that she was really looking forward to it", the bride said she "felt really bad but her future in-laws were very insistent, and it would make things smoother for the family dynamics".

"I got upset and told Clara that if Lily isn't included as she promised, then neither of us will attend the wedding," she said.

"Now, Clara is upset, saying I'm being unreasonable and using Lily to manipulate her decision.

"My parents think I should just let it go and not miss Clara's big day over something like this.

"I feel torn because while I don't want to miss my sister's wedding, I also don't want to teach Lily that it's okay for people to break their promises to her."

"Why can't there be three flower girls? have a whole little flower girl procession," one Reddit user asked.

Another suggested she make the bride break the news to Lily.

"NTA but I would tell Clara she has to explain to your daughter, with you and your parents present, why she is no longer the flower girl," they said.

"Make her be the bad guy and don't let her put that on you."

"You have to wonder, though. Is sister telling the truth about what thein-laws really want," another said.

"How about the fact that her own grandparents are in favor of hurting her?" one Redditer pointed out.

"What is the tradition?" another wondered.

One predicted: "It's her wedding too. If she lets his family push her around before she's even married it's not going to go well for her."

Another suggested it may be an opportunity to teach Lily an important life lesson.

"Yes, I agree the sister should tell Lily herself," they said.

"I'd also discuss with Lily whether she still wants to go or not. Something like, 'I understand you're really hurt by what your aunt did - I would be too if I were in your position, and honestly I'm hurt as well, because I know how excited you were.

"'I'd understand if you didn't want to go to the wedding anymore. Or it might still be fun to go, even if you are upset right now. How do you feel about it?'

"I'd be sure to also discuss how she'd feel seeing the other girls be flower girls so she's not caught off guard by it if you do decide to go."

"Depending on whether she's up for it, it could be a valuable lesson in taking the high road and handling situations like this with grace. She might surprise you - but I wouldn't push it!" another person said.

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