Ten years ago Kelsey Wells was 'at war' with herself. Now she hopes no other woman experiences the same.
Kelsey Wells says she doesn't have a lot of regrets in her life, but there is one that pulls at her heartstrings whenever she thinks about it.
"I try not to believe in regretting anything," the fitness trainer and internet personality tells 9honey.
"But I think the one clear regret that I do have is I only have one child, and I feel like I was in such a poor mental health place with my distorted body image and negative self-talk that I feel like I missed the miracle of growing my baby."
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Kelsey Wells says she "missed the miracle of growing [her] baby" because she was struggling with poor mental health. Supplied
Wells' voice cracks with sadness as we speak over the phone.
"I was so fixated on all the so-called flaws that diet culture told me were wrong with me, you know, gaining weight, seeing veins, getting stretch marks, getting more visible cellulite, like all of these things," Wells continues.
"I was so preoccupied with that that I was unable to marvel at what my body was doing and that's hard for me to think about to this day."
If my son grew up and spoke to himself and treated himself the way that I was, it would break my heart
Wells has one child, her son Anderson who is now 10 years old, and in the decade that has passed since his birth, she has made a concerted effort to improve her body image in the hopes that he won't experience the same struggles.
"The thing that finally gave me the awareness of how unhealthy my relationship with myself and my body was, was the fact that I realised that if my son grew up and spoke to himself and treated himself the way that I was, it would break my heart," Wells says.
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Wells didn't want her child to grow up with similar body image struggles so she decided to set an example. Supplied
"And so I knew in that moment like I must be better for him because I don't want him to go through that or view himself like that or treat himself like that or speak to himself like that. And so, I got to work."
And get to work she did.
It's been quite a journey but Wells says her relationship with her body is now "anchored in so much gratitude".
"I think I had this very keen realisation that my body is a miracle literally but also I am so much more than my body," Wells says.
"My body is my best friend, no matter how horribly I spoke to or treated my body in years past, it just kept loving me still and taking care of me and carrying me literally throughout every day and moment of my life.
"And when you stop being at war with yourself – because you cannot hate your way into loving your body or yourself – I think somewhere along the line a beautiful shift happened. I'm just so, so grateful for my body [now]."
Wells isn't completely immune from moments of insecurity and some days are easier than others, but she feels immense gratitude for her body now and wants to help others, especially other mothers, feel the same.
"[I want] to tell other new mums that you don't need to worry about 'getting your body back'. Your body hasn't gone anywhere and it's not broken. You need to focus on anchoring in gratitude, noticing the miracles and celebrating yourself [at] every stage, you know, the changes that a woman's body goes through are again nothing short of miraculous.
"And if you can just be present in your body and intentional with your thoughts about your body, it's such a beautiful thing to witness and experience."
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Wells is in a much better place with her body image now and wants to help others feel the same. Supplied/ Luke Wooden
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Ten years on, Wells still feels emotional when she recalls how unkind she had been to herself and her body during and after her pregnancy. She hopes no other woman experiences the same.
"That's why I'm so vocal about my postpartum mental health struggles and advocating for women during pregnancy and post pregnancy to always give themselves grace and to dismantle all of the self limiting beliefs that have been thrown at them throughout their lives," Wells says .
"So that no one else misses that miracle because …" Wells pauses as she chokes back tears.
"It's tragic."
Perinatal mental health support is available from the PANDA National Helpline on 1300 726 306.