Can we please say goodbye to the ‘incompetent TV dad’ stereotype?

Growing Pains is a new weekly column on nine.com.au exploring the world of parenting – from the wins we publicly celebrate to the messy reality of raising a tiny human. Because despite what it looks like on social media, it’s not all aesthetic playrooms and effortless bliss.

When you think of dads on TV, chances are, a certain stereotype comes to mind.

Mostly seen in sitcoms, cartoons, and ads, the classic ‘bumbling dad’ is loving but incompetent, loyal but unable to handle any responsibility. 

Think Homer Simpson, or Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. Even Bluey’s dad has his moments, like forgetting everything the kids needed for a day at the pool, only to be saved by Mum showing up.  

They’re endearing and charming, often serving as comic relief in the show. Though they may seem like harmless characters, these stereotypes can – and do – change the way parents consider their roles in the home, despite being seriously outdated.

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Dubbed the ‘Bumbling Dad‘, he sets the standard that it’s ok for men not to know what to do. To default to chicken nuggets for dinner when Mum’s out, to be clueless about the kids’ schedules, to have to ask their partner basic questions about running the household.

Because it’s what dads see on TV, it can make them feel like maybe they don’t need to try so hard. If this is what’s expected of them, they don’t really have to stretch much further beyond that

I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here; of course, there are households where the dad does most of the heavy lifting. But based on conversations with every other mum my age, the consensus is that we’re the main parents and the dads are just along for the ride. 

I’m also not blaming dads, either. One study found that dads are more than twice as likely (49 per cent) as mums (21 per cent) to say they are in an equal-parenting household. Dads think they’re shouldering as much responsibility as Mums, but most of the time, the reality is that they’re falling short. 

And I think it’s fair to say that the incompetent TV dad stereotype is leading dads to believe that the bare minimum is enough. 

The trope of the bumbling dad says that the household falls apart as soon as the mother leaves. Apparently, at least according to the stereotypes that pervade pop culture, the dad is just a spectator in the home, rather than an involved participant in their kids’ lives.

It feeds into daily life. Dads can step up to the plate when need be, and do a great job most of the time, but whenever mum is home, they’re happy for her to take the reins and default into the role of household CEO.

It’s why dads ‘doing the least’ is always celebrated - when you see a dad walking with their child in a carrier, doing their daughters’ hair before ballet – and automatically think ‘oh wow, what an involved dad’. But when a mum does any of that, it’s just part and parcel of daily life. 

I’d argue that part of why the bumbling dad trope can be so influential is that there really isn’t much out there in the way of representation for dads. Fathers tend to be left out of the parenting conversation. There are hundreds of niche mum identities, but it feels like dads are siloed into just two categories: present or not. 

The majority of dads we see on TV and in movies rely heavily on this trope, so why shouldn’t dads also see that as the way they should act?

It might seem like a reach, but we know that competence in caregiving isn’t innate or biological. It’s something that we learn from experience, social expectations and chances to be a hands-on parent. So yes, what dads see on TV about how they should care for their kids does have an impact.

Of course, we’ve come a long way. Studies estimate that fathers now spend three to six times as much time with their children as previous generations did.

We’re not equal yet – mums are still the ones carrying the majority of the childcare and household responsibilities, not to mention the mental load. I’d be surprised if my partner even knows what a mental load is, to be honest.

But dads are putting in the effort, they’re showing up more than ever before – so it’s time for the dads we see on TV to reflect that. 

We don’t need to see super dads… just competent ones.