Alex Nation reveals the silent parenting struggle she’s been tackling for years

Exclusive: For nearly five years, Alex Nation has been quietly navigating the challenges of ‘age gap’ parenting. Now she’s ready to talk about it.

Nation was 19 when her first son was born and didn’t have her two younger children until she was in her 30s, so there’s a significant age gap between Elijah, 16, and Max and Pearl, who are four and three respectively.

And that age gap has often left Nation, 35, paralysed with guilt – especially when it comes to her eldest son.

“I do struggle with guilt around being able to put the time I want to put into Elijah, because I feel very stretched between him and the demands that come with an almost five-year-old and a three-year-old,” she told nine.com.au.

Nation’s not alone, though hard data on ‘age gap’ parenting is hard to find.

Have you got a story? Contact reporter Maddison Skipper: mskipper@nine.com.au

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The research that does exist around sibling age gaps and how it affects parents and family units is limited, and the results are often contradictory.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that having children with large age gaps can put unique pressures on both the parents and the children, as they must navigate the different needs of children at wildly different stages of development.

Nation admits she’s struggled with intense feelings of guilt since Max and Pearl were born, simply because caring for them means she has less time for Elijah.

“I often feel guilty for not having the time for Elijah that I would like because I’m so caught up in the two little ones,” she said.

“They demand so much more of my time than he does. They rely on me to have them fed and bathed and get them dressed and make sure they’re OK.”

It’s especially hard because Nation knows exactly what it feels like.

Her sister Angie is 14 years younger than her and demanded a lot of their mum’s time when Nation was a teenager.

There was a time when Nation really resented that.

“I felt like ‘Mum can’t drive me here’, or ‘Mum can’t do this’, or ‘Mum’s struggling to even have a conversation with me over dinner because the kids are flinging food across the table,’” she said.

“I remember feeling a little bit isolated from my mum at that age, so I think that’s why I’m also so conscious of it with Elijah.”

But being conscious of the fact her younger children demand more of her energy doesn’t make it any easier to carve out one-on-one time for Elijah.

It breaks Nation’s heart, especially because she was a single mum to him for most of his early childhood.

“It was he and I for a long time, so he was used to just having me to himself,” she said.

Now Elijah’s a teenage boy on the cusp of becoming a man, and he needs support to navigate this pivotal time in his life.

The fact Nation can’t dedicate all her time to providing that support can be hard to for both mother and son to accept.

“He’s navigating high school, he’s navigating hormonal changes, he’s navigating the transition from boy to man, and the mental load of that for him can be quite challenging,” Nation said.

“We’ve had some tricky times, especially recently with his own mental health, with the pressures of school and social life and having girlfriends.”

Nation’s struggles with ‘age gap’ parenting aren’t uncommon, but they’re rarely spoken about in public parenting spaces.

Some parents worry they’ll be judged for not treating their children equally, or accused of neglecting older children because the little ones need them more.

There was even a time when Nation might have feared judgement for opening up.

She was a 24-year-old single mum when she first appeared on our TVs on The Bachelor and copped huge online backlash from strangers who felt entitled to criticise everything from her parenting, to her career, and personality.

“People seem to think that being a mother and owning your sexuality and feeling sexy and confident can’t coexist,” she said.

“Instead of it being this empowering thing, people looked at me with almost disgust. The things that people said to me online were horrific.

“My parenting, even though they had no idea how I parented my son, was literally torn to pieces online.”

There were times when the abuse made her question herself and Nation felt constant pressure to live up to some unattainable standard as a single mum.

These days, she’s much more confident and assured in her identity as a mother – and, more specifically, a mother of children with a large age gap.

“Having been in the public space now for 10 years, I have grown into a woman who really knows who she is and believes in who she is,” she said.

And though the challenges can be difficult to overcome, there are also unique joys that come with ‘age gap’ parenting.

Joys like watching Elijah hold Max and Pearl for the first time on the days they were born, help with mealtimes, protect them and play with them as they grow.

Those are the moments that make every hardship worth it.