Is it ever okay to leave rude notes for neighbours?

It’s a questionable move most make out of sheer frustration, but an etiquette expert has officially decried the time-honoured ‘rude note.’

Often passive-aggressively placed atop a car’s windshield or taped to a door – and containing various degrees of profanity to boot – the anonymous note typically offers critique of anything from a shoddy parking job to a minor neighbourly dispute.

But off the back of yet another heated written exchange posted by one Reddit user, the wider question of whether this form of communication is appropriate has been raised.

“READ THE SIGN,” this particular message, which had been tucked into the owner’s door handle, read.

“You can’t park in my PAID PARKING SPOT” you dumbf---.”

The note escalated further, leaving the recipient dumbfounded.

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“I hate you and your mother for raising someone who can’t follow simple directions, it’s not like there isn’t a WHOLE PARKING LOT,” the scathing missive concluded.

The original poster later revealed they’d been paying for that parking spot in their building “for a year,” and that it had been a simple mix-up on the note-leaver’s part.

The comment section of the post was flooded with sympathetic responses from users, one of whom posed an important question: “Let’s say you were actually in their spot, how hard is it to just go up and ask nicely about it?”

Speaking to nine.com.au, Australian School of Etiquette Director Zarife Hardy says leaving a rude note is “never warranted” – and can ultimately result in the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.

“If you have numerous times tried to contact your neighbours and not had any response back, then a note may be appropriate. But it should never be a rude note,” she was quick to add.

“The biggest mistakes people make when communicating to others is being rude.”

She said the move would more often lead to escalated tension between neighbours, rarely resulting in changed behaviour or any positive outcomes.

She cited harmony between neighbours as key to a peaceful home life, pointing out that in many cases, resentment would lead to long-term discomfort.

 “We live beside people for a long period of time, you don’t want to be hiding when exiting your home.”

She advised any neighbour looking to air their grievances to organise a time to talk – saying this would always result in a better outcome than releasing frustration in the moment via written message.

In 2023, several Australian media outlets published articles citing a new road rule that made this practice punishable by law – and potentially grounds for a “$1,100 fine.”

However, no legitimate road authority was referenced in their coverage.

Per car advice site Drive, governing transport bodies across the country debunked these claims – but revealed specific legislation that could land car note offenders in hot water.

In Victoria, for example, the Summary Offences Act prohibits someone from “writing, drawing, exhibiting or displaying obscene language or threatening abusive or insulting words” and “using profane indecent or obscene language or threatening abusive or insulting words”.

So with that in mind – satisfying though it may be – voicing your frustrations with neighbours through written notes may not be the best approach.

Rather, constructive discourse is the new order of the day.