Gen Z daters are seeking someone to ‘match their freak’. Here’s why experts warn against it

When it comes to love, only time can tell whether a budding connection will result in paradise or pandemonium – but there are certain dating approaches that may lead to more success than others.

Through the mess of it all, Gen Z singletons are placing particular emphasis on finding someone to “match their freak”, but an expert has issued a stark warning against putting too much stock into the trend.

What is ‘freak matching’?

Popularised by Tinashe’s viral hit Nasty in 2024, so-called ‘freak matching’ stemmed from the immortal words “is somebody gonna match my freak” – and henceforth unexpectedly altered the course of Gen Z dating.

From this single, innocuous line emerged a mindset that placed renewed emphasis on shared quirks, tomfoolery and finding the one whose energy is equal to yours.

The goalposts quietly shifted from identifying a strong connection through hobbies or shared experiences, to finding someone whose “freak” (their personal eccentricities and unconventional habits) proved an adequate match.

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In an era of dating that has quickly become formulaic, freak-matching presents an appealing alternative to the monotony of endless, copy-paste conversations.

This trend goes beyond a shared love of AFL or long walks on the beach – rather, it leans into core eccentricities, the likes of which could range anywhere from encyclopaedic knowledge of 2000s teen dramas to communicating exclusively through Instagram Reels.

But despite its many merits in building rapport, an expert has advised Gen Z to look beyond shared freakiness and hone in on the core traits that serve as building blocks for a relationship that lasts.

The downfalls of this approach

In an online dating landscape that largely reduces individuals to a swipeable package of job titles, university degrees and hobbies, freak-matching presents a deeper – and yet somehow, more shallow – alternative.

Although admitting the enduring trend has its benefits – e.g. niche shared values, and a fun starting point for deeper connections – eharmony relationship expert Susie Kim said long-term connections often shared the same characteristics across the board.

And they weren’t necessarily linked to surface-level quirks, either.

When asked about the key traits frequently seen in successful romantic partnerships, she revealed that the research is largely consistent on this.

Kim sited “emotional maturity, the ability to communicate, and how two people handle conflict together, especially the capacity to repair after conflict,” as the most common consistencies.

“Beyond that, I’d say that couples who are committed to putting in the work that is required in every long-term relationship are the most successful,” Kim added.

She warned Gen Z daters not to prioritise their desire for someone who matches their freak above all else.

“I wouldn’t rely on it too much or rule people out quickly if there isn’t an instant match,” she advised.

“A lot of people are in happy, long-term partnerships with someone who doesn’t share their specific hobbies or match their vibe on paper.”

A 2017 study from Northwestern University supports this view, having conducted over 400 studies on romantic compatibility.

The results found trait-based matches – which prioritised shared interests and quirks – provided no guarantee for whether a relationship would go the distance.

Rather, communication patterns, conflict resolution, emotional safety and long-term goals were the order of the day – and were shown to provide the strongest foundations for enduring connection.

To this effect, Kim offered some much-needed advice for Gen Z-ers currently navigating the dating scene.

Realistic dating advice

Kim said although being your most authentic self and connecting with potential partners on that level is an overall positive approach, it was important to be mindful of overdoing it.

“There’s a difference between authentically sharing who you are and defensively dumping everything upfront before someone can reject you,” she said.

She went on to say diving too fast into vulnerability can create “a kind of faux-intimacy” between individuals very quickly – which may prove counterproductive in the long run.

She advised Gen Z-ers to ask themselves one simple question: “are you attuning to the dynamic and seeing if depth is actually available, or are you rushing into vulnerability before trust has been built?”

“My advice is to know where you sit on that spectrum. Do you tend to reflexively lead with your weirdest, most vulnerable self before you’ve got any real read on the other person? Or are you genuinely feeling out whether that depth is available in the dynamic, and responding to what’s actually there?”

In this way, she believes that freak-matching is a fun building block for early relationship dynamics – though not to be sought out ahead of more important factors.

“The former is often about fear of rejection. The latter is how real intimacy actually develops – mutually, and in response to what’s being built between two people.”

So the next time you’re looking for someone to match your freak; remember to give equal attention to finding someone to match your values, your long-term goals and your communication style for the best overall outcome.