The prospect of ending her second marriage was 'devastating' for Nicole

Nicole Madigan knows first-hand just how long it can take to leave a bad marriage. It can take years.

This is something she has experienced now, twice, and led her to her latest book, Torn, which chronicles the experiences of four women struggling to make a difficult choice.

"This one started off a little bit personal," Madigan, 44, tells 9honey.

"I was about a year into my second marriage when I noticed some changes that made me pause. I'd desperately hoped I was wrong, but the seed had been planted."

READ MORE: Kelly Clarkson's ex-husband Brandon Blackstock dies aged 48

The prospect of ending her second marriage felt "really devastating".

"It was something I couldn't really talk to anyone about, and I found myself becoming really consumed by it," she says.

"That got me thinking about other women, and whether or not their experiences reflected mine.

"Even though it was just a little fleeting thought at that time, that's how the idea was born initially."

READ MORE: Meet the Norwegian princess now living in Australia

It was through word of mouth that Madigan found the four extraordinary women featured in her book. She named them Anna, Kate, Liana, and Amanda.

Anna is in her 70s now, and at a young age found herself in a relationship plagued by her husband's infidelity.

Back when she was dealing with betrayal, there was no help for women, no financial support after leaving.

Kate's discovery that her husband was addicted to gambling devastated her, leaving their lives in tatters and fracturing the foundation of their relationship.

Liana found herself married to a drug addict. Amanda shares her experience with infidelity.

Two of these women were able to leave their marriages, and two remain in them.

"We all sort of speak about it that marriage has 'failed' or we've chosen wrongly or we haven't fought hard enough, and I just wanted to explore that tendency for women to self-blame and self-sacrifice," Madigan says.

While each story is different, the pain these women experience is just as intense.

Madigan recalls being a young woman and her thinking being 'black and white'.

"I never, as a young woman in my 20s, could understand this idea of spending years deciding whether to be in a relationship. I thought it would be obvious if you wanted to be in one or not.

"If they've crossed your boundaries, well, simple. You leave."

Then she found herself in it, experiencing what it feels like to be torn, and even experiencing lingering doubts, long after leaving.

"It's hard, especially when children are involved, and especially when we know life can sometimes be difficult in other ways after separation.

The issues raised in the book, of infidelity, addiction, and financial abuse, are common themes in marriage across the country.

Well-meaning people assure us we can "work through" issues and save our marriages, and perhaps end up in an even stronger relationship.

This leaves women with an enormous price to pay, normally at the cost of their peace.

"In the cases of infidelity, for example, you often hear, 'you can work through it, there's a reason for it, or it can pull you stronger and pull you closer', but then ultimately when we're there, when we're in that period of having been betrayed and deciding what to do about it, it's never that simple. We might choose to stay, but something inside us doesn't feel right.

"Inside, we're not at peace, and that feeling should be telling us something. Why are we not at peace? We know deep down we deserve better, but women often tear themselves apart trying to do what's 'right'.

"This can be even more confusing in cases of addiction and gambling, where on the surface we might feel like we need to be there to support and try to help, but so often there's more to these behaviours than the behaviours themselves.

"It's the lies that are involved and the deception and the slow breakdown of trust, which on top of the behavioural damage, can have a detrimental impact on your mental health.

READ MORE: Shop the most packable puffer jackets

"And all four of these women, whether they stayed or left, saw their mental health decline as they tried to put that other person or that relationship first."

Madigan explores the impact these marital issues can have on children, with Kate's story in particular depicting her children begging their father to stop gambling, to get help, to do whatever it would take to keep their family together.

"Children are often the most impacted, I think, and we try so hard to make the right decisions for our children. But determining the right decision is really tricky because while people often stay together 'for the kids', it's not always the best thing for them."

Madigan hopes her new book helps women who are suffering in silence, who feel they have nobody to turn to.

"I've always felt stronger when I'm surrounded by other women who are experiencing similar things to me and reacting in similar ways to me. That solidarity with other women, I feel, can make you feel less isolated, more validated, and more empowered."

If you or someone you know is in need of support for the issues raised, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, Gambling Help Online on 1800 858 858 or the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP HERE: Stay across all the latest in celebrity, lifestyle and opinion via our WhatsApp channel. No comments, no algorithm and nobody can see your private details.