Dating Diaries: 'He pretended to be sick to avoid going on a date with me'

In 9Honey's new Dating Diaries series, Aussies share their experiences of looking for love - and all the highs and lows that entails. This week, Rachel*, 36, a nurse from Sydney discusses the text she wish she received a year ago.

I'd been seeing a guy casually for just over a year. 

We were mostly just friends, nothing serious happened, but I let him know I was interested and he said the same. 

We fell into a pattern of going on a few dates, having fun, but it never eventuated to anything. We'd even discuss taking trips, staying at hotels and going to each other's places.

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He was also very emotionally supportive and would ask whether I'm okay and check in on me, even though we were never "official". 

He felt like my person and always told me that he would be there for me whenever I needed him. Even then, we never progressed past casual dating.

Anyway, when I finally started asking about his intentions, he always had some sort of excuse.

At first he said it was because he was moving house and said we could catch up properly after that. Then he changed jobs. After that he said he was sick for a couple of weeks.

It got to the point where it felt ridiculous so I started to pull back, but he seemed like such a nice, genuine guy and all my friends said he was probably just shy and that I may have to be the one to make the first move.

I was all set to do that, and I texted him one evening to see if he wanted to have dinner soon, to which he immediately said yes.

Then it started to unravel: he texted me to say he wasn't feeling well, and when I saw him at a work event that afternoon he said he still wasn't 100 per cent and could we move dinner to the following week.

At that time, I didn't think he wasn't interested in me because he had about a million opportunities to tell me he wasn't.

After I didn't hear from him for a week, I bumped into him at another work event, where he claimed to still feel unwell, implying it was a mental health condition.

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I understood where he was coming from and asked him if there was anything I could do. He said he just needed some time to lay low and figure things out.

That weekend I received a text from a mutual friend to say he had turned up to a party she was at and was "with a whole bunch of people". I went on his Instagram and saw he'd also been on a road trip the day before.

Suddenly, everything became clear: he wasn't into me. At the same time I couldn't believe it. The guy I had grown to know was awesome and honest and eager and upfront. He was enthusiastic, easy to contact, great company.

If he wasn't into me, he at the very least wouldn't have been so communicative with me.

So I sent him a very blunt text saying it had just hit me that he clearly wasn't into me and why hadn't he just told me?

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He eventually replied that he didn't want to hurt my feelings, that he "finds these things hard". "I like you but it's hard to tell someone you can't give them what they want."

I responded: "No it's not, I do it all the time." And then I unfollowed him and blocked him.

What has upset me the most is all the time and energy I wasted on him, thinking he was interested too. And that's the thing; I wasn't in love with him. I just wanted to get to know him better.

He sent a message later saying he wanted us to be friends but I told him no, that was never going to happen.

If he had been upfront with me about not being interested then yes, he could have, but instead he made me look like a complete idiot saying and doing nothing to indicate he wasn't interested too.

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He sent a second apology and asked if we could meet up and I said no again, telling him he was clearly just trying to make himself feel better.

Finally, he sent the message I wish he had sent a year ago. It read: "Hey [insert name here]. Is it cool if we are just friends?" 

Had he sent this to me, I would have said, "Of course!" and moved my romantic energy one of the number of awesome guys I have met and dismissed to give this guy a chance.

Now, I'm more upset to have lost his friendship than the fact he isn't interested in a relationship with me.