Dating Diaries: 'I've ghosted every person I've dated, and now I'm gutted it's happened to me'

In 9Honey's new Dating Diaries series, Aussies share their experiences of looking for love - and all the highs and lows that entails. This week, Sofia, 29, a graphic designer from Sydney opens up about her history of ghosting, and how it's come back to bite her.

"Look, I'm going to go ahead and admit I am generally an OK person… until it comes to the dating scene.

My biggest issue right now would be a fairly toxic trait I picked up when I was 19 and it's taken about a decade for me to realise how bad it is.

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Basically, when I was in high school, I had my first love and first heartbreak. My high school boyfriend and I had gone through Year 10 all the way to the first year of university together, until I found out he had been cheating on me with my best friend for about eight months.

In the interest of not reliving that trauma, I won't go into the details, but let's just say it ended as terribly as you can imagine – times about 100.

From there, I jumped into dating relentlessly, probably having about four or five love interests a year. I'm not trying to sound like I think I'm hot or anything, but the volume has been that high because, honestly, I just can't stop ghosting people.

RELATED: 'He made me feel foolish': Why being ghosted stings so much

After a few months, I find they want something more serious than I'm ready to give, so I just delete and block them off everything without saying a word.

'Til now, it hasn't harmed me in any way (selfish, I'm aware) because I make a point of never meeting their family or their friends. But last year I was seeing someone I thought I could really fall for – and the exact same thing was done to me.

I'm not going to lie, it's sent me on a huge downward spiral, and it feels like a decade of dating guilt has finally played on my conscience. I guess I just never processed how much my first relationship hurt me, and now I'm nearly 30 and realising I've set an awful precedent in the way I treat people."

The question really is: do you want to change your habits, or are you only feeling guilty about them now that you can relate to the pain you've caused others?

The thing with ghosting is, as common as it is in modern love, it's been proven to have enormous psychological implications on the person on the receiving end - and is a major sign something's not right within ourselves. Halloween is only one night of the year, so extending the spooky season via ghosting is neither sustainable (nor, at this rate, trendy).

A recent study conducted by dating app Hinge found since coronavirus, ghosting has actually been on the decline by 27 per cent, so if staying in style holds any merit in your mind, there's some inspiration.

WATCH: Sex, Dating and the Sisterhood: Is ghosting really that bad? (Yes it still is)

Jokes aside, luckily, you seem extremely self aware, and it's wonderful not to be marred by delusions of grandeur – or, in this case, virtue.

While I don't have much sympathy for people who only understand the impact of their wrongdoings once they have anecdotal evidence of how it may feel, it's at the very least a start.

In my view, when we find ourselves in a pattern of poor behaviour, we waste more time feeling sorry for ourselves and grieving a morality we haven't upheld rather than actioning tangible (and difficult) change.

From what you've explained about your romantic history, it does appear a lot of underlying issues around trust and commitment have persisted.

Do you believe you've actually processed them or taken them into new experiences?

Regardless, it's an uncomfortable truth that we can't control how people treat us, we can only control how we react. And in this case, if you've learnt the perils of your spooky past the hard way, it's an ideal point to turn things around.

It's also best to talk to someone professionally to go through the motions of the pain you've experienced in order to turn a new page on the portfolio of your love life.