‘I’ve been where Ariana Grande is right now. We can’t keep refusing to talk about it’

Opinion: We need to talk about Ariana Grande. Not to judge her, or tell her what to do with her own body, but because refusing to talk about how incredibly thin celebrities can make their audiences feel about their own bodies is dangerous.

I write this as someone who has been where Grande is right now; I’ve had people scrutinise my body and wellbeing, even when I insisted I was OK and healthier than ever. But I wasn’t.

And while I won’t pretend to know what Grande is dealing with behind closed doors, trying to silence the conversations she has unintentionally sparked about body image, weight, and eating disorders won’t help anyone.

Especially if the alternative is to just let people struggle in silence.

As you read this, Australians are calling the Butterfly National Helpline asking for help after being exposed to images of extremely thin celebrities.

“Many say that seeing posts of celebrities who fit the harmful ‘thin ideal’, or celebrities who may themselves be unwell, is causing real distress,” Butterfly communications manager Zoe Bradbury told nine.com.au.

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“And it’s pulling them back into unhelpful and harmful eating disorder thinking and behaviours.”

Talking about that very real harm is far more important, in my opinion, than adhering to the ‘don’t talk about anyone’s body’ rule right now.

Because, really, this isn’t a conversation about Grande; it’s a conversation about how celebrities can inadvertently make us feel about our own bodies.

And that’s a conversation worth having when more than 1.1 million Aussies are currently experiencing an eating disorder, less than a third are getting treatment or support, and hundreds die every year.

Ariana Grande does have a right to privacy

Grande has faced public scrutiny about her body and health for years.

But whenever someone raises a question or concern about the singer’s body online, they are flooded with comments insisting Grande is fine, accusing them of body-shaming her, or claiming they’re just jealous of Grande’s figure.

That, Bradbury said, can be dangerous.

“Widely publicised weight changes among public figures strongly influence cultural norms and appearance and body ideals and trends,” she said.

“We should not be commenting on people’s bodies, and we do need to move away from tying people’s worth to their appearance or weight, but at the same time, we cannot promote or endorse an extreme level of thinness.”

Grande herself has largely opted to stay out of the discourse, even when it intensified around the start of her Eternal Sunshine Tour in June, and after release of her Petal music video last week.

Grande’s team has repeatedly insisted she’s healthy, and this week announced she will be taking a break when her tour wraps in September to escape the constant scrutiny.

“Ariana will be taking a step back from visibility after she completes the Eternal Sunshine Tour,” her rep confirmed People.

“She looks forward to finishing the tour and ending it on a high note, both healthily and happily, and then taking a much-deserved break from public-facing work and appearances, which has led to endless, ongoing public scrutiny.”

Grande has every right to ask for privacy, and I completely understand her desire for people to stop speculating about her body and health.

But I also know that talking about it was what eventually helped me.

And pretending that there’s nothing wrong with an incredibly thin body being presented as the ideal to millions of young women is harmful.

“We need to consider the millions of people – often those who are young, impressionable and vulnerable – who look up to these celebrities and often strive to emulate them,” Bradbury said.

Staying silent about disordered eating can do more harm than good

When I was in my early 20s, I downloaded a calorie tracking app and fell into a years-long battle with disordered eating.

I grew up wanting to look like thin celebrities with flat stomachs and saw nothing wrong with going to extremes to achieve that for myself, especially when I started getting praise for looking smaller.

The friends who knew what I was doing – tracking calories, restricting food, exercising obsessively – never addressed it, even when it became obvious that it was harmful. In truth, I don’t think they knew what to say or how to say it.

“It can be difficult to know how to start the conversation without doing further harm, but approaching someone you love with care and compassion is critical,” Bradbury said.

“Eating disorders are not a lifestyle choice, a diet gone wrong, or something that someone chooses to do.”

It wasn’t until I moved home that my mum realised something was seriously wrong – and she wasn’t afraid to say something about it.

I won’t pretend that made me decide to get help right away.

Her questions and comments about my disordered eating made me defensive at first, but after months of careful conversation she convinced me to see my GP, who referred me to a psychologist.

A year later, I was well on the road to recovery.

It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t linear, and even now – eight years after I first downloaded that app – a little part of my eating disorder still lives in the back of my mind.

I’ll probably never be fully rid of it, but it doesn’t control me now, and I never would have reached this point if my mum hadn’t voiced her fears for my health and encouraged me to seek support.

Which is why I think it’s so important we talk about how very thin celebrities make us feel, especially when we’re constantly fed content about them by social media algorithms.

How should we be talking about bodies?

Seeing other peoples’ bodies – whether they’re celebrities, influencers, athletes or peers – can affect the way we feel about our own, and we need to be able to speak honestly about that.

“Shame and stigma stops many people from seeking support, so sharing the reality of eating disorders can help people feel less alone and encourage them to reach out for help,” Bradbury said.

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But that doesn’t give anyone free license to body-shame anyone, even a multi-millionaire pop star like Grande.

“The message that thinner or more muscular bodies are healthier, more attractive or more successful remains deeply ingrained,” Bradbury said. 

“And we do need to extend support to the people who are feeling these pressures, which includes public figures too.

“Instead of vilifying or commenting on particular celebrities, we must turn our attention to the systems and industries that profit from body dissatisfaction and that continue to uphold unrealistic beauty standards.”

She encouraged Aussies to talk about body image and eating disorders in a safe and productive way with the people they trust.

“Acknowledge that eating disorders do not have a ‘look’ and you cannot tell if someone has an eating disorder by their physical appearance alone,” she said.

“The majority of people who experience eating disorders will not be underweight, and it’s essential to remember that someone’s physical appearance does not dictate how serious an eating disorder is.

“Remember that eating disorders and body image concerns can impact anyone, not just women and young girls.”

If we really want to create meaningful change, we need to shift our focus away from weight and towards supporting individuals’ wellbeing as a whole.

But sticking our heads in the sand and refusing to speak about how incredibly thin celebrities can affect their audiences doesn’t help anyone.

Confidential and free support is available via the Butterfly National Helpline on 1800 EDHOPE (1800 33 4673) or online. In an emergency, call Triple Zero (000).