How to survive a horror film - and charge your phone with mud

If horror movies have taught us anything, it's that when you are either a)in danger b) holidaying in a "rustic" and obviously creepy cabin with no electricity in the middle of nowhere  or c) both – the battery on your phone will automatically diminish to 1 percent even if it was on the car charger the entire way there.

But now you can be the "final girl" with this nifty trick brought to you by the women of M'Chenga in Malawi.

In a BBC documentary series tackling the impact of climate on the world's poorest communities, the women of M'Chenga offer a handy solution to preventing an early death at the hands of a chainsaw wielding maniac. It also happens to be a completely environmentally safe and economically cheap way of harnessing natural energy but that's neither here nor there – SURVIVAL IS ALL THAT COUNTS.

Step one is finding some mud with which you will build a mound and shape into a rudimentary cooking stove. After baking it in a discretely lit furnace (remember, you don't want to give away your hiding spot – let the killer work their way through your friends first) attach your thermo-electric generator that you remembered to pack alongside your Aeroguard and shampoo. Cook some food on the stove – a healthy diet helps for clear thinking and you'll need your energy in the final battle – and attach your phone, torch and anything else you need to charge to the generator.

Charging might take a while but utilise this time to set up booby traps and trips in the surrounding area. The fire inside the cooking stove that's also preparing your delicious – hopefully not last – meal is also creating a heat differential in the metal rods of the generator thus creating much needed electricity.

Once your phone has reached at least 15 percent, you can take it off and make that all-important phone call to the authorities while the killer is slowly incapacitated by your overly-complex and confusing series of traps.

Not only have you survived, but you have also done so by effectively producing vital energy without adding to the level of carbon emissions created by big industry. Go you!

Mind you , this is all assuming that you actually have coverage which, according to Horror Movie Survival 101 – you won't.  So our advice – just don't go camping.