Sydney husband speaks out about why he abused his wife

A Sydney man who abused his ex-wife has said most men who commit acts of domestic violence are "not monsters".

Jerry Retford was emotionally and verbally abusive towards his ex-wife before he did a course with Relationships Australia and realised he had to take responsibility for his actions.

Speaking on breakfast radio show The Edge ahead of Friday’s White Ribbon Day, Mr Retford said he only realised years later why he was being abusive.

“I was dumping out all my issues on my loved ones rather than taking responsibility for them and going away and dealing with it,” he told hosts Mike E and Emma.

Mr Retford attempted to explain why he why he had resorted to violence with his ex-wife.

“It's like having this ball of horrible feeling inside and I vomited it out onto my partner and then felt relief for a moment,” he said.

“I didn't immediately feel guilty,” he said.

Mr Retford, whose father left when he was five or six years old, said he believed a lot of his abusive behaviour came from his own issues of abandonment.

“Looking back in retrospect... I realise I was carrying around this kind of black hole of pain and abandonment and loss and desperation to be with people,” he said.

Mr Retford finally managed to turn his life around after doing the Relationships Australia course two or three times.

He said the other men he met during the course all wanted to change.

“None of them were monsters... they all wanted to stop doing what they were doing.”

“Anyone that actually puts their hand up and says 'I need help' - yes, they can change.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).