Experts John Aiken and Alessandra Rampolla reveal how defensiveness can be destructive in relationships on the Official MAFS Podcast
The instinct to defend yourself is a natural, human trait – but defensive behaviour can lead to disastrous consequences in a relationship.
Speaking on the Official Married At First Sight Podcast, clinical sexologist Alessandra Rampolla says, "communication is impossible when people are defensive."
"There's no listening… you can't validate, you can't acknowledge, you can't make corrections, you can't move forward. So it's basically game over when somebody's defensive," she explains.
You can listen to Episode 2 of the Official MAFS Podcast here:
When a person has trouble accepting responsibility for what they say or how they behave, when they are unwilling to receive criticism and when they react by aggressively projecting judgement onto others and deflecting it from themselves, they are acting defensively.
It's a common behaviour, so it's unsurprising that it arose as an issue during the first Commitment Ceremony of Married At First Sight, Season 10.
Co-host and relationship expert John Aiken agreed with Alessandra, saying defensiveness "is something that can be very destructive in relationships".
Alessandra explains why defensiveness can cause so many issues in a relationship. Nine
Speaking on the long-term effects and following up Alessandra's comments on defensiveness shutting down communication, John adds: "It really ends up being a one way street".
He explains that eventually the other person in the relationship "just lets that defensive person walk all over them… it becomes a very toxic sort of relationship"
Listen to Alessandra and John in the latest episode of The Official Married At First Sight Podcast where they discuss:
The origins of defensive behaviour and the damage it can inflict on relationships.
The relationship between jealousy and setting healthy boundaries.
Why failing to let go of past relationships can sabotage future happiness.
Listen to The Official Married At First Sight podcast via 9Now or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
