- Opinion
- Travel
- Air travel
'I've just been on a long-haul flight. Every clichéd traveller was on it'
Josh Martin is a London-based journalist who writes across business and travel topics.
OPINION: Stereotypes are lazy. They are also often correct.
The connotations are often very negative, but grouping people together based on their observed traits and metrics and then assuming they'll behave in a certain way or demand certain products is pretty much the basis of modern marketing practice, if not our capitalist structure.
The travel industry is no different, in fact if my most recent long-haul flight is anything to go by, an aeroplane cabin is a near-perfect petri-dish where whole segments of society can be studied and sold to.
And yes, they did conform to stereotypes.
When it comes to travel, stereotypes are real. Getty Images/iStockphoto
The bumped business traveller
Why is that suited-and-booted man slumming it down the back with us mere mortals? He's asking himself the same question, and will definitely be writing a strongly worded email to the corporate travel team mid-flight.
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At least his airline status gave him plenty of pre-flight lounge time to make a start on all those spreadsheets and presentations that pay the bills. Kitted in a quarter-zip and a puffer vest gilet, and always manspreading in an aisle seat, the frequent flyer is laser focused on their laptop, noise-cancelling headphones on (Sennheiser or Sonos brands are favourites).
Huffs and puffs passive aggressively when you have to climb over them to go to the loo.
The would-be travel influencer
Another one questioning just why they've not been bumped up to business class. They'll pass the time by filming every nanosecond of this fairly routine journey.
What? You didn't want a ring light hovering above you so they can get the best angle on an unidentifiable slop described as chicken curry being served in cattle class? Too bad, they've got followers with a voracious appetite for content, so you'll just have to squint through the pain.
If you can't sleep, don't worry, they're about to film their entire airline skincare routine at 36,000 ft, so try and take notes.
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An aeroplane cabin is a near-perfect petri-dish where whole segments of society can be studied and sold to. Getty
The sloshed stag do and the hectic hen's party
You see them a mile off. You hear them before that. Costumed and over-consumed, these old friends and new friends are basically contractually obliged to be loud and obnoxious for the duration of your flight.
The flight crew will joke along at first and then do all they can to avoid that section. Thankfully, it's only a hop to the Gold Coast and not Bali, although quite a few will pass out after imbibing a bit of their own duty-free (tut tut).
The school sports team
Matching the energy levels, if not the blood-alcohol levels, of the stag do crew, the school sports team are amped to be onboard and not about to let you forget it. Frazzled manager and soccer mums try and fail to keep them in line – this took two and a half years of sausage sizzles to book these flights, let them do their team chants as we fly over the Pacific, sleeping be damned.
Decked out in their team tracksuits, they sprawl across the departures lounge and then seemingly take up about 10 rows… and manage to get a ball onboard. Last-minute practice drill, anyone?
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You can spot nervous fliers a mile off. Getty
The nervous first-timer
We forget, most of us, the nervous excitement of the first take off, the hairs on the back of the neck stiff at the first sign of turbulence, the gritted teeth grimace of touching down on new soil. The nervous first-timer looks like anybody else, just with pearl-white knuckles.
Although distractions like free food, drink and blockbuster movies only entertain them for so long before they inevitably glare out onto the wing looking for signs of engineering weaknesses.
The budget backpackers
They have packed and repacked their backpack and every inch of space is being put to work. Microfibre towel? Check. Metal water bottle attached via a carabiner? Check. Hiking boots? Check, though, I'm not sure you'll need them in Bangkok.
Everything is about practicability at a low, low price. Harem pants and Chang/Bintang/Angkor beer singlets show off an array of tattoos, piercings and beaded jewellery (amethyst and malachite will fight turbulence and Bali belly, didn't you know?)
There's always that moment of dread when you're seated near a toddler. Getty
The why-can't-they-just-stay-at-home family vacationers
Not to leave ourselves out of course, we have the stressed parents of a toddler. Bringing far too much baggage onto the plane (emotional and otherwise). We make our way past passengers thanking their lucky stars to be several rows away from the chaos and incriminating odours.
Laser-focused on "just getting through," all the rules and routines go out the window and we will do anything to get this 15-month-old from point A to point B without a tantrum that teeters on airport security threat.
The halcyon days of smugly smiling as fellow passengers say, "Oh, what a well-behaved baby, we barely heard a peep," are long, long gone.
Remind me why we're doing this again?
This article originally appeared on Stuff and has been republished here with permission.
