I’ve been a Swans member for 20 years. Writing this piece makes me feel uneasy
As a Swans fan, this week has left me angry and hurt – but mostly feeling empty.
I’ve been a paid-up Swans member for more than 20 years, more than half my life.
As a die-hard, you ride all the emotions. Being at the ’G for two winning grand finals but four losing ones. After-the-siren wins and losses. Deepening my friendships with mates over days out watching the Swans and making new friends. Seeing my previously sports-apathetic partner turn into a genuine fan.
Swans fans are grappling with how to feel. AFL Photos via Getty Images
This week has left me feeling an emptiness I’ve never felt before as a supporter.
It must be said, repeated and underlined: the allegation of sexual assault is incredibly grave.
The prevailing concern has to be with the alleged victim and ensuring the police investigation is respected.
The human toll of those directly involved is vastly more important than anything else, especially my feelings as a fan.
For that reason, even writing this piece leaves me uneasy.
The way a story as serious as this has been mined for social media content and “takes” – even well-meaning – has muddied the necessary conversations about male sporting environments and how organisations respect, welcome and protect women.
But as supporters, it is undeniable: we do feel a deep affection for our team.
The emotions being wrestled with by fans like me this week have been confusing and evolved as the days have gone by.
The unknowns, many of which should remain as such given the circumstances, have left my head spinning.
Hurt by a club that I felt represented me as a fan.
The five players have been suspended for the remainder of the AFL season. Nine
Angry it has let me, and so many others, down.
Even embarrassed that I’ve invested so much emotion over so many years in watching men and women kick around a ball when the real-life consequences of events like those alleged to have taken place on Monday morning are so much more important.
The Swans have made a point being leaders in the community on progressive issues – embracing a Pride round; backing the “yes” vote on marriage equality and an Indigenous Voice to parliament; distancing itself from the gambling dollar; calling out the disgraceful treatment of Adam Goodes at the end of his career.
The famed “no dickheads” policy of the Paul Roos era took on a life of its own in the mythology of that 2005 premiership side but it did signify something to the outside world about the so-called Bloods culture.
But I’ve been around enough sporting teams in my own life to know that culture can be both unifying and a facade that covers up darker issues.
Human beings are fallible and the problems of society are always going to be reflected in a large group of athletes, regardless of fame or fortune.
There’s a point in a lifelong football fan’s life where you age past the players of the team you follow.
Cheering on the Swans is a deeply ingrained ritual for me. Tim Rose
The players who were once your idols are replaced by the next generation. Your view of players as heroes softens into a more mature, analytical celebration of athletic feats from imperfect people.
I’ve become more interested in the Xs and Os of the team’s performance than trying to form a parasocial relationship with men a decade younger than me whom I’ve never met.
As a journalist and editor, I’ve also covered plenty of sporting clubs and companies in crisis.
Much was rightly made of the passive language used by Swans CEO Matthew Pavlich on Monday afternoon about how the players had “found themselves in this situation”.
It was inelegant and Pavlich needed to choose his words better, but I am sympathetic because at that early stage, the facts were still unknown. Several days later, they still are.
Finding the balance of respecting the police process, supporting the club’s employees – including the affected players, as uncomfortable as that may be - and ascertaining the facts before jumping to conclusions needed to be the priority.
But there was no option but to get it right, even if no statement could ever satisfy all parties.
The missives on Tuesday night by the AFL and the club were much better, even if the cynic could read the careful acknowledgement of legitimate criticism building by then.
The statements rightly prioritised the welfare of the alleged victim and the societal standards the players have fallen well short of, independent of a Sex Crimes Squad investigation.
The fake rumours, group chat screenshots and bad actors claiming to have a source on the inside – hint: they almost never do – have only made much of the discourse damaging to everyone involved, especially the alleged victim.
But sporting organisations can often fall into the trap of using criminality as the bar for bad behaviour, rather than societal standards and community expectation.
Just because something is not illegal, does not make it acceptable.
It was comforting to hear Swans chair Andrew Pridham say on Wednesday “football was not a consideration” in the decision to ban the five players – three of them among the best in the competition and on track for All-Australian selection – for the rest of season.
A two-game suspension, thus allowing the players to return for a crunch final, would be insufficient and only drag on the saga.
The banning of the five for the finals series gives the remaining men’s squad clear air and sends a statement that the club as a whole, not just the high-profile men’s football program, has standards to be upheld, regardless of star factor or on-field importance.
The AFLW side, unfairly forced to answer questions as they go about the opening rounds of their own season, must also be hurting and furious.
Taking my daughter to AFLW games, tiny scarf looped around her neck and mini football in hand, is one of the most joyous moments I’ve had as a parent.
All football clubs are bigger than the players who come and go, are drafted, traded, delisted or retire. But this men’s side, and the affected players, have left a mark on some fans that will take a long time to fade.
I will watch the AFLW and men’s side play out their seasons. On Sunday, I will go to the double-header at the SCG.
I never thought I would wonder whether I would stay for the men’s game.
Tim Rose is the deputy editor of nine.com.au and a Sydney Swans member of more than 20 years.
