Normalising conversations about sex is the key to becoming better in bed, according to sexologist Aleeya Hachem

Societal shame around sex and pleasure is holding Aussies back from a better bedroom experience.

According to Australian sexologist Aleeya Hachem, confidence is key in the sheets as much as the streets — and part of that is knowing what you like as much as what you don't like, and being able to effectively communicate that with your partner.

When it comes to effective communication around sex and pleasure, however, the ability to be vulnerable is crucial, and a lot of Aussies are finding it hard to take that leap of faith.

"From vulnerability comes connection, and then comes growth, and I think that's a huge component in what makes you good in bed," Aleeya tells 9Honey.

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Getting intimate with Aussies across the country, the Sex Education National Pleasure Survey found that just over one in 10 people — the equivalent of 2.6 million Australians — rate themselves as a "great" lover, while one-third rate themselves as "good."

Overwhelmingly, Millennials were most likely to rate themselves highly, as were women moreso than men.

For Aleeya, these statistics are indicative of a wider societal issue, which can particularly be seen in the gender divide.

"I feel like [men] put a lot of pressure on themselves, and I think they think that they have a lot of responsibility in bed," Aleeya tells 9Honey.

Women are more likely to engage with sex-positive media content, and conversations about sex have become more normalised among women.

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The first step to breaking down the barrier to becoming more confident sexually is understanding what put them there in the first place.

"I think shame has a huge impact [on confidence], and thinking that they're not normal — thinking that what they like is shameful or won't be accepted by their partner, and that creates a barrier to exploring interests and sexual activities that do bring them pleasure, and then also seeing if you can communicate that effectively to your partner," Aleeya tells 9Honey.

"We've all got our unique set of pleasures."

A large part of the problem, according to Aleeya, is a lack of representation in the media about realistic and inclusive scenarios about sex and pleasure.

"We need to see a lot more representation from a gender and sexuality perspective, a disability perspective, and as well, creating content that is educational and non-threatening to people is really important," Aleeya tells 9Honey.

"There still is stigma associated with sex and pleasure, whether we like it or not."

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"No one gets taught to communicate around sex. It's one of the things I wish people got taught at school in a sex ed class is how to communicate around it," Aleeya says.

Not only is normalising the conversation around sex and pleasure essential, but also reducing the idea that idea that it's dirty or shameful — and, as seen with the age and gender divide in the statistics, it works for women and Millennials who have had greater exposure and access to realistic conversations.

As for embedding these conversations into one's personal relationship, Aleeya recommends having the conversation outside of the bedroom.

"Always talk about sex in a neutral environment so that no one gets triggered or offended," Aleeya says.

Aleeya suggests going on a walk or a drive when having the discussion, as it feels less threatening — each person is still in close proximity, but there's no need to have the confrontation of direct eye contact.

She also suggests a "compliment sandwich," especially when its concerning something your partner is doing — start with something positive, then move onto constructive, then go back to another positive aspect.

"Being open and honest and vulnerable. Your partner is not going to judge you, hopefully, for broaching that conversation."

Sex Education Season 3 is available now on Netflix Australia.