'The simple trick that's taken the sting out of my arguments with my husband'

Just about every married couple has heard the saying "don't go to bed angry", or "don't let the sun set on an argument", but now there seems to be some science behind it.

As much as I would love to harrumph and roll on my side with my back to my husband after a fight, I know the last thing that will happen is we'll both drift off into a blissful sleep.

In fact, if he started snoring after a fight, it would infuriate me enough to wake him up just to fight some more.

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But a study from the US shows it's really important to avoid any stressful topics immediately before bed.

The stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline are released when you get uptight from an argument. Higher levels of these hormones before bed will increase alertness and this will make it hard to go to sleep.

Those same hormones shoot into your system when you are tired and fighting the urge to sleep. They keep us awake but make us more angsty and less understanding of others.

Plus, if you're already exhausted from your day, tiredness makes you irritable and impulsive and there won't be much empathy. So, the fight will be meaner and probably petty.

Knowing this, think carefully before speaking unless you are both fully rested. It's better to fight over Coco Pops in the morning than hot cocoa at night.

Now, I agree with that – however, in my experience not many arguments happen before 7am (unless you are arguing that Coco Pops are not a nutritious breakfast, even though they are delicious).

Yet here's something I've learned that has no science to back it up. To be fair, I have been married twice so I am obviously doubly experienced.

Consider me your marriage guru. I'll give it to you right between the eyes: say "sorry."

In my first marriage, our fights would last days, neither one of us wanting to let the other win. That is so unhealthy.

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When I married Darren, I realised I loved him more than being right or winning. And I'm bloody competitive, so that says a lot.

But by saying sorry, and meaning it, you can diffuse the situation. It takes the emotion out of the fight and the sting out of the unkind words.

We still have tiffs, but no humdingers. Most times it's me who needs to say sorry, and at first my pride and ego fought me but I knew having him in my life was more important than keeping a tally.

We've even apologised to each other, said we still disagree but we love each other, and we'll discuss it again in a few days to come up with a solution. Often the next day you wake up and don't feel as strongly as you did in the heat of the moment.

So try to avoid fighting at night. It's not good for your hormones, and it's not good for your marriage. You might just need a sorry and a good lie down.