Having a so-called 'gifted' child isn't all it's cracked up to be

Most parents will do whatever it takes to help their children succeed, with little thought given to what success really means.

Take so-called 'gifted' children, for example.

If you have a child who is recognised as being gifted or talented -- whether it be in sport, music, due to a high IQ or a particular academic talent -- suddenly the pressure is on not just parents but their children to do that gift justice.

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Before they know it, the child is being expected to do extra training and extra practice as well as additional homework or out-of-school learning.

Instead of that gift or talent making their lives easier, it suddenly becomes something they are expected to live up to.

In Today's Agenda, host Georgie Gardner and I talked about the pressure being placed on children, with Child and Educational Psychologist Andrew Greenfield giving his expert advice.

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Greenfield says parents need to be careful how they manage their child's unique gifts and talents.

"You have to understand what it means by the term 'gifted’,” he explains. "There's a lot of misunderstanding out there about what the term 'gifted' means."

Greenfield says children can be gifted in a number of ways that aren't normally singled out for special attention -- verbally, visual skills, spacial skills -- as well as the more traditional talents such as maths ability, music and sports.

"But most people don't realise is you can be 'gifted' but have a learning difficulty, or be 'twice exceptional' which means you can be incredibly bright academically but there is one area that's a significant weakness," he says.

He says 'gifted' is actually an "umbrella term" for lots of different things.

While there is much confusion around the term itself, Greenfield feels there can be some advantages to acknowledging it to both parent and child, because of the difficulties being associated with it, saying for all children it should be identifying both their strengths and their weaknesses.

However, he adds that it's important not to define our children by one characteristic or one word.

"That's important to explain to your child as well," he continues. "It's not the only thing that defines them, but it's one part of them, and we need to nurture that, and not only just discuss that aspect of them."

What he says makes a lot of sense to me.

My son Giovanni, 10, has autism which comes with it's fair share of learning and behavioural difficulties, however he is 'gifted' when it comes to maths.

I always joke that he can do advanced algebra but can't remember whether or not to put on his undies first or brush his teeth! He has to be reminded of the order each and every morning without fail.

Just as Giovanni isn't defined by his autism, he also isn't defined by his mathematical ability.

There is so much more to him.

As there is to my son Philip, 14, who is a 'gifted' artist however suffers from concentration issues due to anxiety.

Children are complex, and being a parent is difficult.

I must confess, I do feel pretty chuffed every time someone points out to me my children's gifts, but that's just because like many parents, I feel like I'm failing most of the time.

Gifted or not, children just want to be valued. They want their lives to have meaning.

They seek purpose.

Sadly, too many schools fail to make our children feel unique, special or valued.

Which is why it is so important for parents to step in and bridge the gap, to avoid our children being labelled in any way, shape or form.

Even if that label is 'gifted'.

Share your story by sending an email to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au or via Twitter @joabi or Instagram @joabi961