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This was published 4 years ago

'Now my kids are older, I'm incredibly bored'

9Honey | As told to Sally Hunt

I was so excited to be a mum. I felt like my life had been almost pointless until I had my three girls.

I love being a wife too, and my husband Tim* is the love of my life. But now the girls are all getting older, I'm very bored with my life.

I devoted myself to motherhood for 18 years and now I'm finding I really lost my identity. For all these years I've been here for the kids and just been known as their mother, and I feel like I'm kind of grieving the person I used to be.

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Woman at home

"I devoted myself to motherhood for 18 years and now I'm finding I really lost my identity." Getty

I always groan if I hear young women say that when they've only been a mum a short time — wait 'til you've had 18 years of motherhood.

I'm not complaining about being a mum; I love being a mum and love my girls, but I feel very exhausted and also think, 'What was the whole point of my career?'

"I feel very bored with my life."

I'm lucky I have a supportive husband. Tim goes out of his way to make sure I am happy. When I tell him I'm bored, he encourages me to either start a new hobby or to go back to a job I'll really enjoy.

But my other problem is I just don't know what to do with myself.

Mother and teenagers

"I'm kind of grieving the person I used to be." Getty Images/iStockphoto

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I'd love to travel, but Tim always says we don't really have the money to do anything apart from interstate or local trips, and the girls are at an age where they'd rather be with their friends and boyfriends than do anything with me. I find even a trip to the local shopping mall is such a bore when I have to go on my own.

My friends have busy lives, but my issue is that I am just not busy enough. It's a funny situation to be in, where you go from having young kids and being way too busy to when they're older and they have their own lives. They don't need me half as much as they used to.

When I tell that to younger mums they laugh and say I'm lucky I can do what I want. But I've lost my passion for the hobbies I used to enjoy, such as dancing and singing lessons.

Mother comforting teen

She is still trying to figure out what to do with the extra time. Getty Images/iStockphoto

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All of my friends work, at least part-time, and when they do have time to spare they spend it with their families. A few weeks ago, I met a girlfriend for coffee and that was the first time in nearly six months I'd had any kind of interaction with a friend.

Maybe the solution for me is to get back into the workforce. That way, I'll be busy again, and I will be able to regain my own identity that will be much deeper than just being someone's wife and someone's mother.

I know there is a lot more to me than those roles and while I'm still young enough, I want to enjoy my life much more.

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