'Rent-a-rebound' provides validation and peace of mind for insecure losers

A UK company has come to the aid of insecure, recently single people with more disposable income than self-respect, offering a "rent-a-rebound" service that lets them pretend to be in a relationship with someone totally out of their league via social media.

Wish.co.uk launched the service to coincide with Valentine's Day, when people are at the most vulnerable and least rational. For only $550, the company will concoct a wildly improbable social media profile for you to "date" in order to massage your wounded ego. Under no circumstances will this fee buy you any actual human contact, so just forget about that. The sales copy on the company's website describes a 360-degree social media strategy that has you posing together (well, being photoshopped) for insta-snaps, sharing Spotify playlists, tweeting saccharine nonsense and keeping in touch via Facebook. It essentially allows you to be in a relationship in every meaningful sense, apart from actually being in a relationship."The psychology behind it is that you want what you can't have and you want what other people have," founder Stephen Pavlovich told Metro."The two paired together gets a reaction. Clients see it as fun rather than malicious." We can't really comprehend what kind of self-delusion would be required to view a pathetic attempt to dupe the world at large into believing you'd found love shortly after breaking up with a real, actual person as fun, but we are resigned to believing Pavlovich when he says he already has six customers in their twenties and thirties. If you're the sort of obsessive sad-case that the company is targeting, we suggest you spend the $550 on a couple of drinks and some therapy sessions instead.

Source: Metro Author Lachlan Williams; Approving editor Paul Stock,