'The day a stranger overruled my parenting'

I admit it: I like to spoil my daughters and give them little treats here and there.

My mum did it with me and Iʼm unashamedly carrying on the tradition. But while I like to buy them something small on occasion, I can also practise a bit of tough love if itʼs warranted.

I recently took my nearly four-year-old daughter Ivy and her baby sister to a local shopping centre to buy some Kindy clothes.

Ivy took a liking to a $3 kids necklace and negotiated its purchase in exchange for a trouble-free trip around the store.

“Be careful with that,” I told her, as she roughly pulled it over her head. Ten minutes later, as the necklace was constantly pulled and dropped, it snapped and broke in Ivyʼs hands.

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We were heading towards the counter and I had to think quickly. Do we put it back and swap it for a new one, like nothing ever happened? Nope. Itʼs the easy option, sure, but itʼs unquestionably dishonest and not the right message to teach Ivy.

So, I decided on the tough love approach.

“Oh well,” I sighed, “weʼll have to buy the broken necklace. Itʼs not our property and we need to be honest about whatʼs happened.”

Unsurprisingly, Ivy burst in tears. In front of a long queue, in a busy store. I stood firm; this needed to one of those ‘teaching momentsʼ parenting experts are always promoting.

In that moment, Ivyʼs loud tears caught the eye of a lady behind the counter.

“I - sniff - my necklace broke, and Mummy is making us buy it. But it - sniff - is BROKEN and I canʼt wear it!” Cue hysterical tears.

The woman comes out from behind the counter, shoots me a disapproving look and runs over to my cheap necklace. "Donʼt you worry, weʼll get you another one,” she said.

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We will what?!” I thought. Wait a minute - was I being overruled by a stranger? Sure enough, Ivyʼs tears stopped immediately, as she looked up to the lady with a bright smile on her face.

“Thatʼs OK,” I tell the lady politely, “she needs to learn that you canʼt just break something like this and get a new one so easily.”

“Donʼt be silly. Look at her. Sheʼs just a baby!” the woman says, shaking her head. And with that, sheʼd dashed off to find a replacement necklace.

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In hindsight I should have been more effusive about refusing the gift, but I admit I was a bit speechless. I had the eyes of the queue of people fixed on my crying daughter, coupled with a restless 10-month-old in a pram, and I just took the line of least resistance.

As the lady handed over the necklace to Ivy, I watched her little face beam with excitement.

“Here you go, little lady,” the woman said. “You shouldnʼt ever cry like that. Enjoy your necklace.”

I managed a feeble, “Say 'thank you', Ivy” as I gathered up my other purchases and headed for the door. What had just happened?

The funny thing was, my teaching moment for Ivy ended up being a teaching moment for me. I still believe my intentions were the right ones. Kids need to know limits. Itʼs that simple.

That doesnʼt mean I take any joy in making them cry, but that lady has no idea what had gone on before - how many treats Iʼd bought Ivy, or how naughty she might have been in the days leading up to that moment.

The bottom line: Iʼm the parent. And in that situation, I feel that should have been respected, even if the lady was just trying to be nice.

The ironic part of the whole encounter? Ivy had broken that replacement necklace before weʼd even arrived home from the shops, and she hasnʼt mentioned it again.