Mums weigh in on travel without kids: 'I couldn't do it'

My children are my world.

I have three SPECTACULAR kids - Philip, 14, Giovanni, 10, and Caterina, 9, and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't thank my lucky stars for them.

Raising them and watching them grow, making them their favourite meals and tucking them in each night fills me with purpose and joy.

I don't need a break from THEM, but I do need a break.

In this episode of Honey Mums, Deb Knight talks to Liz Ellis about secondary infertility and catches up with Jo Abi from 9Honey about a travel dilemma. (Article continues.)

https://omny.fm/shows/9honey-super-mums/why-do-they-tell-lies-with-special-guest-liz-ellis/embed

The reality is that three children leave little room for your own goals and dreams, particularly when they are young.

Now that my children are getting older, I'm starting to feel the need to stretch further outside our little circle, just for me.

So I thought a 10-day writer's retreat in a foreign land would be just the ticket.

And while from the moment I booked the trip I have been filled with excitement, I have also been filled with equal parts anxiety at the thought of leaving them.

Clearly, I'm feeling conflicted.

I've never properly travelled. When I was little my family went to Italy but I have hardly any memory of it, aside from my sister getting sick on the plane ride over and a very scary motorbike ride on a massive freeway in Milan with my uncle.

Then, when I was young and child-free, I was working in the competitive industry that is capital city radio. Holidays meant being replaced by the person hired to fill in for you.

The only journey I took was a local road trip to Adelaide with some school friends and a seven-day jaunt to Canada for my friend's wedding.

Still, I had my honeymoon to look forward to.

Sadly, my husband didn't feel as strongly as I did about travel. He was hesitant to leave our dogs - two beloved rottweilers - both of whom I also adored but we had family and friends who could have looked after them.

But I was pregnant at the time, and one thing about being a pregnant bride that nobody tells you is that you are so full of warm and gooey feelings, you let your partner/husband/future ex get away with murder.

So I let it drop.

There will be plenty of time to travel later.

In brief, we never did manage to travel. We had a second child, my husband's business went bust, we then had a third child and while the kids were young - the very thought of travel was exhausting.

So, once again, I let it go.

Fast-forward a decade later and I'm now 42, a single mother-of-three, and I am itching to do all of the things I have missed out on.

Including travel.

My first stop will be and was always going to be Italy.

I have demanding children. Philip, 14, struggles with mental health issues. Giovanni, 10, has autism. Caterina, 9, has very wavy hair and I'm the only one who can really do it.

Plus money is tight.

Plus I don't actually have a passport.

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So many reasons not to go.

Still, in a moment of utter denial, I booked myself into a writer's retreat in Tuscany for September. I know, cliche much?

But I didn't care.

I am a writer, always with a book in progress, and I really really really need a break.

Without the kids.

Some time to step away for some much-needed perspective and to fill up my tanks again.

Since booking the trip and paying the deposit earlier this year, I have changed my mind about going about a TRILLION times.

"I'm definitely going, I deserve this!"

"I can't go now, not when our family breakup is so fresh."

"If I don't go now, I'll never go."

"But I can't go now because I have too much on in September. Maybe later. Maybe next year."

All of my close family and friends want me to go and have offered to help out in any way they can, but the timing is off.

When we posted the question on the 9Honey Facebook page, the responses were mixed.

"I’m like you. Four kids, no time away on my own -- not even a weekend -- since the eldest was born 16 years ago," writes one mum. "And I tell you what, if the opportunity to go on a child free holiday ever presents itself, I’ll be packing a month before I leave and I’ll be first in line at the airport gate. I hope you have the time of your life! You so deserve this. The kids will be fine. That sound you can hear is the sound of thousands of other mothers cheering you on."

"I wouldn't do it," says another. "I'd miss my kids too much."

As of today, I probably won't go. The timing isn't right.

But I refuse to believe that just because I don't go now, I'll never go.

I know I will.

I just have to wait a little bit longer and then, when the time IS right, make it happen.

Share your story by sending an email to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au or via Twitter @joabi or Instagram @joabi961