For Ben Austin’s family, grief - in all its complexity - is now a constant companion
Grief is such a complex emotion. The deep emotional and physical pain is hard to comprehend if you haven’t experienced major loss, but grief is something none of us can escape.
I had the privilege recently of spending time with the Austin family in Melbourne, who are grappling with terrible grief after the death of their 17-year-old son and brother Ben.
Ben Austin, 17, died after he was hit in the neck by a cricket ball during a training session. Nine
He was a promising AFL and cricket player who was struck in the neck by a cricket ball last October in a freak accident during training in the nets. His life support was turned off three days later.
Every member of Ben’s family is coping with that unfathomable loss in very different ways.
Ben’s mother Tracey visits his gravesite every day. She tends to his final resting place with its many flowers, mementos and photos and speaks to Ben, telling him about her day, and how much he’s missed.
The young cricketer’s death prompted an outpouring of grief. The Age/Justin McManus
She also spends time in Ben’s bedroom that is now a space filled with memories of his young life. Every inch is covered with his photos, trophies and items marking his sporting achievements and prowess.
Tracey neatly folds the clothes he last wore on the end of his bed. The bedspread is covered in images of his smiling face. She feels Ben is there with her.
Ben’s younger brother, 13-year-old Zach, likes to honour his brother by playing the sport he loved. He wore Ben’s cricket vest to captain his side soon after his brother died, and he misses mucking around with him at home, kicking the footy - just being boys together.
Ben’s other brother, 16-year-old Cooper, can’t bring himself to speak about Ben. The two were inseparable, and whenever Cooper’s parents talk about their boy, which they do a lot, he pretends he can’t hear.
Every member of Ben’s family is coping with their unfathomable loss in very different ways. Supplied
Ben’s father Jace visits the cricket nets where his beautiful boy was struck and feels deeply mixed emotions. Terrible sadness and emptiness at his loss, but also great comfort from the memorial sign that’s been erected in Ben’s honour at a place he knew his son loved.
The many cricket bats that were signed and left at the nets in Ben’s honour, and the football jerseys that were hung on the fence with messages of love in the days and weeks after his death are now on display in Ben’s home.
Jace’s heart is soothed when he reads how much Ben meant to so many, but it’s also a heartbreaking reminder of everything he has lost.
The Austin family has been receiving help from the charity Feel the Magic, which I’m proudly an Ambassador for.
The organisation helps school aged children to process and cope with grief, giving kids the tools to start understanding and living with the complex emotions that come from loss.
The Australian cricket team paid tribute to the teen with a minute’s silence. Getty
Feel the Magic runs camps around the country where children can meet others experiencing grief - and most importantly to have some fun - to let these kids just be kids in the midst of all they’re going through.
The Austins have launched The Ben Austin Legacy to raise money and awareness for Feel the Magic. They’re throwing a Gala later this year, on what would have been Ben’s 18th birthday, to honour his beautiful life and to help others.
Grief never goes away. Life just starts to grow around it.
